i cry everyday because my best friend/boy friend committed suicide and everything aches. how to die in sleep?

[Charlie]

It's been 6 weeks after he passed away....I cry every time I think about it. I cry before I go to school. Before I sleep. When I get home from school. When I think about him. Read our 138000 messages on Facebook. Look at pictures.
Everything reminds me of him. I was hurt as a child and I've felt suicidal all my life. I'm only now considering it. I'm an atheist and I don't care what people think. I've had enough.
My last question explains my story.
I'm on the edge of breaking.

I appreciate all the people who say don't do it and so on but everyday when I wake up, I cry my eyes out, all my body aching.
I had whiplash two years ago and it still hasn't gone. My back hasn't been hurting last year, but this month my legs, back, head, arms ache all the time. I dont know why.

I know when taking some pills you throw up and there's only a small chance of dying. But I just want to know.

If I was going to do it, I would have ages ago but the fear of it going wrong sticks by me