I'am 16&9 months N I feel like I have no-one and uncomfortable with myself like low self esteem.What do I do?

[XxFiberOpticxX HD]

I have been physically and mentally abused most of my life. My father left at an early time in my life. I grew up alot of domestic abuse. I lived in the public housing for all my life until 08. I had been physically abused by my MOMs boy friends to.Up until 8th or 9th grade I've been over-wieght not obese. My mom showed more affection towards her boyfriends son at the time to. I was'nt as active as he was but he played football and he would tell his son to wrestle me n see who would win. His son did. And every time his dad was abusive to my mom as a kid I would try to interfere but his son would hold me down until he felt like it. I had games from my family and stuff old out dated systems at the time. But him and his dad would bo-guard my stuff and my mom let them.This was her 2nd boyfriend. When I was like 3 I don't clearly know why but well IDGAF if you laugh but I've had a missing tooth since the 1st grade til this day I have had this missing tooth. Sure I have had braces but I have to live day to day at school not eating at lunch because I hav 2 take my retainer with -get ready 2 laugh- a false tooth on it out. My co-workers saw my missing tooth space and laughed but they were not sure. I left the room put it back in and they told me it looked like I was missing a tooth.

Anyways to skip the small stuff I had a god family who cut ties with me because I did'nt let them talk about my family abusively. I never told my family why I stopped going over there they still do not know.
I have 2 uncles on my mothers side. Since I was little they would say things like I hope you die of obesity cuz I ate something I didn't know was his by accident like WTH. And like I said I was over wieght when I was younger. And my eldest uncle beat me up because he said I was acting like a terrorist towards my grandmother. I did'nt say it but I was like WTF. And with the home abuse I was going thru @ home my god family and real family never knew about And my mom n her boyfriend don't know what my god-fam does 2 me And basically NONE of them know that each of these things are going on. My mom thinks everything is good with my intermediate fam (Grand ma and uncles) & my god fam. they all think the same about each other. I know some of you are like why won't you say anything right.? well because of being shut down countless times and verbally abused and physically I don't talk much. Its hard to open up. unless I am around my friends. Which I don't get to hang with becuz if we stop for sumthing to eat I have to take retainer out with the false tooth on it and...you know. Also my fam sometimes ask "Do you have a girlfriend" and I always say no with shame bcuz I never had one. Most girls I like I think look to good for me IDK really?

So I have some friends that I known from the old pub housing buildings I lived in that don't respond over social media (BTW we live a good distance from each other). Its like I have a friend and after we part ways none of them respond. Even my once closest cuzzins. And I don't know man like my grandfather on my dads side use to give me 50 dollars every christmas and birthday actually to all his grands he had 5 or 7. I call not for money but to c how hes do'in. No response. So I feel so alone. Sure I have friends at school but we'll never tlk after HS. The only people I have is my moms mother myself and sometimes my uncle. I recently got all F's on report card and I was bashed & again verbally abued for it. But since the 6th grade I have been an A&B student. But I got all F's because of poor attendance.I would stay home cry in my closet the whole day because since 9th grade I relized I had knocked knees. This makes my legs look funny when I walk so I lose confidence in myself. So all this abuse and the added on neglect from my mom I had very low self esteem.There is a whole lot more I did'nt share but I know some have it worst but I be on the verge sometimes man... Now a days I just live my life staying unoticed and go straight home after school to play music in my dark room just pretending I was who I wish I was. And this is the first time I've ever told any one this. Sorry for it being so long I don't usually share none of this with anybody it kind of feels good to get it off of my chest and but after seeing suicidal questions on hear thought I could get some help Thank you.
I also dream of having a wife and family. But I dont know if I cant get any help soon ...I just don't know somethings gotta give man I rather that than live and suffer.