Is my girlfriend manipulative / narcissist?

[nonchalant_muse]

Two weeks before you started dating she was on holiday with her ex? Okay, this does seem to scream out "rebound". Have you spoken with her about her previous relationship and how it ended? My guess is that she was dumped, and yes, she probably has a very bruised ego and is looking to get back at her ex.

It would take a much deeper analysis to determine whether or not she is a narcissist, so I will focus on the obvious which is that she is still hurting from the breakup and is out to "get even" with her ex. Her behavior is not at all healthy and it is preventing her from moving forward in her life. I think that it is time to have a talk with her regarding her incessant need to stalk her ex and try to make him jealous. Explain to her that you know she is hurting, breakups are never easy, but obsessing over the hurt and acting out in a vengeful manner is no way to get past it. All it will do is constantly remind her of the past, what she needs to do is focus her thoughts on the present and care only about her current relationship.

You should encourage her to do a few things, for one: block her ex on facebook, erase all of his contact info, and avoid places where he might be. These are all things that she should have done before jumping into another relationship, part of the healing process is cutting off all contact from an ex (at least until the pain has gone away).

Next, I think that she should really take the time to get to know YOU. It's quite possible that you are both a good fit for one another and that she really cares for you, but you need to establish a true connection with one another, one that does not include ulterior motives to get back at her ex. Introduce her to activities you enjoy, share personal stories, introduce her to friends and family, ask one another about life goals and ambitions.

I would advise that you take things slow, true connection takes time to form. If you do find that there is simply no connection, you may want to consider ending the relationship and moving on.