how to destroy somebody's life?

[Marq JPAA]

I've just been through that -- in my case, with a church where I was music director for 14 years, when they decided to become a Shaklee warehouse distributorship (part of a pyramid scheme selling vitamins and soap) because they were having budget problems. I was informed that because of budget problems, they were letting me go -- only to find out three weeks later that they had hired a new music director who was the boyfriend of a member of the church council; and the member of the church council had been trying to get the boyfriend on staff for quite some time!

I know *exactly* how you feel. I was so angry at them that I retaliated any way I could - and here's the thing you need to know from my experience: retaliation did NOT make me feel any better. Yes, the church is slowly dying and will probably close its doors within the next very few years; and they kind of bumble along from week to week and all that resentment I have for them doesn't hurt them one bit (and I will be perfectly honest -- I ended up *HATING* those people and the pastor)!

You'll need to talk this out with trusting friends, learn from the bad experience -- and you'll have to keep talking it out until you finally reach the point of being sick of talking about it. Like my situation, this is something which is going to require time to recover from - a *lot* of time, actually. A friend of mine went through something similar and it's taken her nine years to get to the point of being indifferent when she thinks about her own particular nemesis.

I really, really DO feel for what you're going through. There were times when I honestly thought I was going to go effing MAD with anger and rage at the people at my previous church. In fact, I did not touch a piano or even listen to music for well over a year. Now, I'm at the place where when I drive by that place, I look at it and think, "What a bunch of RUBES!" -- and keep on driving.

I truly wish I had a magic pill to make this better for you. All I can really do is share my experience, strength and hope -- and tell you it really *does* get better, eventually.