How to tell a friend nicely to stop whining?

[jollysack476]

The way you have worded this question is tactful and sensitive, so you probably have all the right instincts and just need to take a "tough love" approach for which he might be grateful---honesty from a friend.

Unity Church, a metaphysical approach to faith headquartered in Lee's Summit, Missouri, uses the Eastern concept of "As one's mind goes, one's energy flows" (meaning that if you think and express negative, you electromagnetically attract negatives; if you think and express positives, you then electromagnetically attract positives into your attitudes and into your life). You could use humor and sing to him: "You've got to ACCENT the POSITIVE and ELIMINATE the NEGATIVE" or else mention the concept of what I call the "pity pool" and suggest that he avoid "swimming in the pity pool." Get him to list what he LIKES in his life or in the moment (count his blessings, in other words).

Sounds as if your friend needs to build up some self-esteem, although sometimes the type of behaviors you describe are a form of manipulation from a master control-freak...that could be an option in trying to understand the behavior. I suggest he get involved in doing volunteer work so that he focuses less on himself and more on those in need---be it animals at a local shelter, or soup kitchens, or maybe some local charities. He might be a gifted actor (theatrical, emotional) who could act out some of his fears, furies, and frustrations on stage, which means that a local theater group might be useful in overcoming the negativity and expanding his horizons. I also suggest that he read "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron and do the various writing exercises in each chapter (one chapter per week)...this is an excellent way of breaking out of a self-pity cycle into creativity.