Relationship Breakup - Head Games, Confusing Emotions And Kids Involved....Need Help!?

[jamie]

Hi all, I'm looking for advice on my situation. This was my first long term relationship (9 years, 2 kids) and going through a breakup that's really got me all over the place.

So...long story short we had a mutual breakup after a few months of unhappiness, although I was technically the dumper as I brought it up because I couldn't continue being unhappy. She told me she was also unhappy and wanted to end it. I was surprised, I expected her to want to work on things but oh well. So things seemed civil for a few weeks, she starts making a point of going out drinking and having fun which is fine but was making it obvious on facebook etc she was getting close to this guy. Jealously set in a bit, but I knew I was doing the right thing and I didn't let it get to me.

I moved out, and she got very upset on the day and got angry. Since then she's progressively gotten angrier at me and used the kids as a guilt trip for me to do things. A week passes after me being moved out and we finally have the 'closure' conversation, I'd been having second thoughts but after that I was happy to move on. She tells me she's seeing this guy and he's been coming round to watch DVD's and has met our kids. I know she's trying to get a reaction out of me but I leave her to it. End of the conversation I tell her I need space and to not contact me for a while, unless it's an emergency for the kids. She gets abit angry at that but OK. I go home, delete her from facebook etc and all is good....
...Honestly, I'm hurting right now but I know the relationship is over for me.

I needed to fix some things at the old house where she still lives so go round the next day expecting her to be at work. Turns out she's pulled a sickie, and has her new fella round. Apparently she had messaged me saying he had stayed round and not to come round - why would she do this apart from to try and rub it in my face??? But I say I don't care he's there and get on with what I need to do. I ended up...
...shaking his hand, having a chat and leaving on a good note. She didn't like that at all.

Next day she's moving out of the house, so I need to collect the last of my things, she's extremely emotional and getting angry at me when I'm trying to be civil. I've helped as much as possible by having the kids all day and overnight (and have been seeing kids reguarly and helping out) but it seems in her eyes I'm not doing enough.
So anyway after that I now go into no contact so I can move on with my life, I get a few guilt texts about the kids that I ignore. 4 days later after no contact she texts me to say thanks for not helping me, i've lost my job! turns out she's pulled a few more sickie days and got sacked - and apparently it's my fault. I try to message / call her and break the no contact rule because I couldn't ignore it but she ignored me completely!
Bottom line is I feel like I've been so accommodating for her, helping with the kids, paying child support, helping her move stuff and generally trying to stay out of the way. I should be the angry one after she started sleeping with someone literally 3 weeks after the breakup!!! But here I am being painted the bad guy, and I'm so worried she's going to turn nasty and use the kids against me.
Can anyone help me understand what is going through her mind? What can I do to keep things civil? Honestly I wish we could have worked things out but she's the one who didn't want to try counselling etc - but no chance of that now she's slept with someone. Did she push me away defensively to not get hurt and is now regretting things? It's been 4 weeks and I still think about her all the time, yet I know splitting up was for the best.

Help!!!