Did my husband really have a crush?

[Jonathan]

No one has a working crystal ball. That includes you or your husband. Even he doesn't know what might have happened.

Attractions don't stop just because you have a piece of paper (marriage license.) Besides, would you isolate your husband in a glass box and keep him from ever being able to have friends who also happen to be girls? Half the world is female. You might as well get used to the fact.

Yes, there are risks. Yes, he might enjoy certain aspects of her in ways he finds more fun or interesting than you. Yes, if he is at a weaker moment (or she is) something might happen, too.

But if you really are planning on having a lasting relationship with your husband, you really need to get to the point where you can trust him in risky situations and will allow him room to grow and develop and become better. And unless you like a stunted husband, you need to cut him slack for having friends who are women.

That said, he should NOT be affecting your life or your family's life in significant ways with his friends. If he isn't getting something done that he promised to do, and is preferring instead to spend that time on someone else, then you have a problem. But I'd worry about things when it becomes a problem. Otherwise, you do have to put some faith into your partner. If you are going to have him on a short leash, then I think you are better served by cutting it and instead finding someone who does make you feel safe. (I think he does have the job of making you feel safe and not keeping you on edge about his behaviors.)

He certainly didn't seem to be worried when he left about leaving you with his facebook account. I'd take that as a positive sign. He did seem to lie about her for a short while. I'd take that as a problem. So you work out how all this balances out.