I beat my Laptop?

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I hit my laptop and threw it on my bed and hit it some more that day and slammed it shut now before you call me crazy what fun would it be if you have a $900 laptop and instead of using it it's your parents virus check it (it is an HP laptop) the mouse pad never works right and it is a year old and almost as slow as my 11 year old dell computer it heats up even with a fan pad under it which makes my hands sweat which makes the mouse pad not work it has internet connectivity issues like for example i have a cord that goes into my crappy Telus internet modem into my family's desktop computer because it isn't compatible with wireless internet i took the cord out of the computer and put it in my laptop and it said the internet connection was "limited" which means it isn't connected but it still shows the bars please help
Yes the laptop is Windows 8
MikaSch I don't cry because well I'm a dude and with the way school is going i need a tough image and I don't smoke too much risks not to mention they stink
LOL People I didn't actually beat my laptop lol but yeah it does have all those problems I mentioned