In Schreiner University, thinking about suicide?

[Nihar M.]

I thought that going to college would be a great experience for me, and I was really excited last year that I passed high school, and moved on to college. Several public colleges picked me up, but they didn't really interest me, and I didn't want to be involved with those type of kids, so I chose a small private college in Kerrville, TX. It looked great, so I thought everything would turn out great.

Upon entering, The people seemed nice, and they seemed to welcome me, so I started out okay. I was placed in almost a "newcomers?" group, (it's been a long time, I don't even remember the point of ACE anymore, but they seemed nice, however, eventually became cliquey and shut me out. My first friend was a latecomer into the ACE program and also felt out of place, and we became friends, but eventually she left because she got homesick. I had made another friend around this time, and she stayed a bit longer, but dropped out in January due to a mental breakdown.

I have three female friends left, two male friends, and my roommate who I have to come back to every afternoon playing video games or watching TV on max volume. I have to walk everyday to the library in the freezing weather or rain to get some quiet time to work or time for myself. I have so much work, I don't have any time for myself. The professors I've had enjoyed giving boat-loads of work, half with no purpose, and I have to struggle to complete it just for a high grade. I managed to pass last semester with B's and C's but almost failed.

Due to losing several friends, I have become a more physically close person, and prefer females over males, since I grew up around many female childhood friends. Apparently, since I have grown older, I'm 20 now, and have not taken very good care of myself, grew from 144 pounds to 180 pounds, but now rapidly shrunk to 157 using FDA approved Garcinia Cambogia, I'm not the same well-loved guy I was in 2009. Some women have accepted my close personality, but others are treating me like a rapist. I have been reported seven times, and I'm at risk of dorm arrest. I have done no sexual actions, but they have labeled them as such to get me in a bad place. My parents don't take my side, and think I'm turning into a monster. I nearly attempted suicide on January 24, 2014, but stopped myself.

I'm now required to see a counselor every day, and I feel like a lunatic going. The director of student services is required to go with me to counseling, and sometimes other places to make sure I don't "do" anything. I thought I would have friends by now, because it usually takes me a year, but I guess I don't. I had discovered a new unit of measurement of song position called "Elapsed Beats" and I recently used that to give myself a purpose in life. It seems to be working, and if I fail college, I hope I can use it to fall back on.

I go home every weekend and break, and I enjoy it, because I know, that once it's over. It's back to hell. I've tried to hold on to close friends for support, but I keep losing them.

I have 3 years left. A lot can happen in 3 years. I've tried joining clubs and organizations but don't fit in with any of them.

Please help before everything I love is gone?

Nihar