Cheating questions?

[ashley]

its hard, my mom cheated on my dad, and I always heard them fight about it, and after that I said I hate ppl who cheat, even if I saw a friend cheat I just didn't respect them anymore
but I saw that my parents got through it, and now years later they look so happy
ive dated this guy for almost 5 years now, ive liked him since I was a little girl, I always had this crush on him, we met, he took things slow, he changed his life for me, he was perfect for me, and I felt like wow this is the guy I will marry this is the guy I want the rest of my life with.
but he has a past, which was hard for me to get past because I was scared he would hurt me. or get bored u know, he dated a girl she got pregnant, they got married then divorced.
they now have a 10 yr old son together, she is married, but she wants my bf back she wants kids with him and not her husband, she saw I got pregnant so she wanted him to leave me, she started rumors, and my bf believed that because she told so many ppl
well we began to fight because he believed I cheated and still does, I spent everyday and night with him, how could I cheat?
anywys things got bad, I was worried about his past, he lost all his trust for me./
the night I gave birth to our 2nd son things were so bad, and he said I broke his heart, that I was a hoe, and that he thinks these two kids are not his, it hurts because dnt drag the kids into it, he already did a DNA test for our oldest but thinks I changed the results, which I cant do
but for a year and a half almost things were perfect, I started trusting him, believing that he loved me, that we had a future, he started trusting me, communication got a lot better, we laughed we did things it was amazing.
my bf finally came clean amonth ago, he said he had to be hoenst, he was crying and said so many times how he hopes I dnt leave him for this, and I said just tell me.
he cheated on me when I gave birth to our 2nd son, that all these rumors he believed it really broke his heart, he felt lost, empty, he wanted to hurt me, he wanted me to feel that pain he felt,
so he cheted on me, he had a facebook telling girls they were sexy, he never tells me im pretty or anything sweet, i didn't even know he had a facebook, he made me delete mine, but here he has his own
and guess what, this girls facebook he cheated on me with has pics of him kissing her neck, and looking so happy, and then BAM theres a pic of a baby
we have a 2 1/2 yr old, and a 16 month old,,he has a 4 month old now
I mean if he cheated then yeah it hurts but I feel we could get past it
but now him having a baby, this girl should have been a one time thing u know not dealing with her for the rest of his life, that really broke my heart, but I promised him before I knew what the big secret was that I would stay, so im giving him a chance, I mean he thought I cheated and he stayed, my mom cheated they stayed, so I feel why not try.
but now he doesn't try to make love to me as much as before, he hasn't giving me proof im the only girl
I said if u see ur son plz let me know,,and its been a motnh and he hasn't said anything
but I feel if ur dating u can just end it, move on, but if ur married then u have the sepreation or the divorce and it will be uglier and harder
but having kids, that's the hardest, like I hate him, and somedays I feel like wow I dnt love him, I cant even look at him, o rkiss him, when we firs tmade love after hearing this, I cried, I didn't want him to touch me, and still a month later I think did he do this to her, was he like that, or how did he touch her, and it messed up my mind, I feel bored, I feel like it changed like our love stopped and went in the trash I feel our whole almost 5 years was a joke and a lie to him, he says his heart is with me no one else, but why cheat, why do that, but having kids Iand feeling like I hate him I still have to talk to him, see him let him be around my kids u know

things were so good one day I almost got his name tattooed on my body, and he was going to let me, knowing the truth now I am so glad I never did that, so glad that we aren't married, but I wish we had a stronger commitment
but idk maybe in time il forgive him, I feel so fake acting so happy, and trying to be sweet, he says when im mad I push him away and when im sweet he says hes the happiest guy, so I try to be sweet everyday, but I feel like im fake, like its not coming from my heart, I have to try so hard,