Would anyone be ever so kind to review my essay?

[SumDude]

One of the better examples of writing on Y!A. However, from a more experienced perspective, I wonder if the first three or four lines can be "tightened up" (made shorter)*. I also have 2 ideas for you to give yourself more deserved credit.

* "... what purpose they serve. (their purpose is) ... "

brag " .... creation AND DEVELOPMENT ... " {considering you recruited people, got it chartered, and became president}

change the pedestrian language of "a lot" at least MUCH (but hopefully even a better word)

* Line 3 "I was very interested in GETTING INVOLVED after learning..." {because you did do more than just start it} (now ref my idea of shortening) "it is a youth club whose ...>>"

see how I cut out from WHAT .. CLUB without losing any ideas or transition

"exhibit" might be the wrong wrong b/c it sounds like you are trying to show them off; whereas you are using them and strengthening them, etc (use a thesaurus)