I think my mom hates me, or really dislikes me...?

[Jessica]

Hi
I'm 14 years old, straight A student and I really do love my mother, but sometimes she's nice to me and sometimes she treats me like dirt. She adores my older sister and is always comparing me to her and comparing my other friends to me. I once got off the phone talking about a sleepover with my friend and she asked me if I had asked her a question that she wanted ME to ask her, I was like "No I forgot, I'm sorry" and she got really mad and sad "How could you be so insecure? That's all you are you know! Like crap!" I ran up to my room and wrote down everything she said on paper and started crying, eventually I go back down stairs, finish the kitchen, and walk to the stairs and she's sitting their smiling happily on her chair and asks for a hug because of the great job I did. This pattern has happened so many countless times when shes really mad and pissed off right before I do my chores then after that it's "all good" But I have to say it leaves me feeling really confused. And also, a couple says ago I had just stolcked the dish washer and I didn't know it had a couple clean dishes already in it, and I stated filling it with dirty dishes, then when she came down the stairs so check on everything I did and make sure it was *perfect* she yells "COME DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!" I was like mom what did I do?! "oh sure you "don't know what u did" look at this, and she shows me how their was a couple clean cups in the dishwasher, "I kept telling her "I'm sorry I'm sorry, I really didn't know those really clean mom!" and she rants and raves for another 10 mins, leaves the kitchen, goes outside and slams the door on my face and says she needs "space" I then start crying all over again, finish the little mistake I did, run up to my room and cry myself to sleep. Only to wake up the next day to find the same smile on her face. Sadly, I've grown used to this cycle of neglect then love, neglect, love, neglect, neglect, love. It's drives me insane inside and sometimes I think about ending my life, I have been starting to cut myself for no reason . I don't like to go outside anymore and my friends are getting distant, I feel like I need to put on an act in school. Btw my dad doesn't want to have NOTHING to do with this, even when I tell him my side of the story he still gets mad at ME and tells ME to stop talking. I don't have any privacy either, she has all my passwords to Facebook, my email, and my dad receives MY test messages on HIS phone too! The only way I'm doing this is by making a fake account. I've never broken my mother or fathers trust Ipin any way but they still treat me like this. And also I can NEVER buy anything over 5$ a month. But sure, my mom can buy 200& worth a day of crap, my dad is always saying to her to stop spending but she blames it on me saying that's it's all me who's buying it. Anyways this is my story, this is my life. And if you've actually read this far, what do u think?