Facebook privacy kinda sucks. help?

[Airsoft Joe]

So I noticed after going to "privacy settings", there are only like 5 things you can change, and its simple enough that a six year old could use it. But this is what I want. When I google my name, it shows every comment I make and every wall post i make on public fan pages. I dont want that. I am very paranoid and I do not like my name to come up on google. I am disappointed about facebook's lack of privacy. There are dozens of pages of my comments and wall posts on fan pages. I don't want to have to go back and delete them all. How to I make it so that my comments/posts on public pages do NOT appear on search engines?

I have my privacy set that only friends and friends can see my profile, and I have it set so that my personal page cannot come up on search engines.

*making my account secret doesn't change anything. f*ck facebook.
*I am also not changing my facebook name.