How to deal with an awkward situation with a roommate?

[Alema Pequoia]

The biggest fault I see is that you allowed your unfinished letter to be read before you were through editing it. Just like with emails, you have to be exceptionally careful not to send something out or let it be seen before you (a) have cooled off, (b) have proofread the document, © are sure your facts are accurate, and (d) have ascertained that YOU are ready to send it out into the world knowing that you will not be able afterward to get it back, revise it, amend it, explain it, or anything else.

Your roommate, in addition to being a slob, was snooping through something of yours that was still private. She has no right to get all snippy just because she found something she didn't like. That's the trouble with snooping and eavesdropping: one never hears good about oneself.

You need to grow a spine. Get some counseling if you need it to build enough gumption to stand up for yourself. You need to learn to speak up before things get out of hand to the point you can't handle it any more. You should try to work out a compromise with your roommate on acceptable states of cleanliness, orderliness, whether clothing or other possessions can be borrowed, etc., all of which should be put in writing and signed by you both.

You might want to mention to your roommate that the open food containers and trash will lead to health problems such as having roaches, spiders, and mice take over your living space. You'll both be constantly worrying about where these vermin are, where they've walked and defecated, what they might've sampled but left looking untasted, and what they're doing when you're in bed.

As to the "facebook war," that's the real trouble with social sites like that: You never get the opportunity to confront those sneaky types and their vicious innuendoes, harmful hints, shady implications, nasty name-calling, offensive suggestions, and wicked insinuations. Ignore it. No apology will ever fully erase the sting. Forget it.

P.S.: While I have to admire that your tactfulness allowed you to be able to get back on some sort of speaking terms with your roomie, my advice is this: Start looking for another roommate. This situation is probably beyond repair.

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