PLEASE HELP ME, ANY ADVICE??? MY LIFE IS HORRIBLE?

[PROBLEMgirl]

i'm 20yrs old,my both parents died when i was 11..i've been living with my brother,sisterinlaw,and there children since. I dropped out of school by 14. When i was 16 (2008), i tried learning a trade.. at the institution i met my first and only boyfriend. He was 1yr older than me,not perfect or handsome..after a few months of constant talking over the phone and at lunch breaks he asked me to be his girlfriend(at this time i turned 17)(2009). When i finally agreed to, it turned out i had to move a 2 hour drive away. At first i wasn't sure what the relationship was at, but it turned out distance made me love him,he came twice to see me in 5months aftr i left(even valentines)..introduced himself to my family,that he was my boyfriend. We kept on talking via phone for the next few months, inever really asked him to come see me after that,but i still have family a little way beyond where he lives so i was there a few times an met him, after a while i don't know what happened..i can't remember exactly,(2010) but his sister was pregnant an he gave her his phone when she went to her in laws to live. So now he had no phone (our only communication). He use to call from his father's phone, then he started working offshore so if i called an he wasn't there..i couldn't do anything. But his father use to tell him i called..an he should call me(2011)it was december in 2011 i told him if h loves me he'll buy a phone to talk to me...HE DID! january passed, febuary passed...then we started talking every single day, we were getting closer and closer. From march to june he came to see me more than 5 times.then one day on facebook his brother wife sent him a message concerning him and a older coworker(twice his age,she has kids our age),when i asked him about it, he said she talkin crap!so i did my own investigation, i made a fake profile on facebook an messaged his best friend sayin "i saw you and your friend(my bf) the other day an wanted to know if he was single" his friend replied "his friend(my bf)isn't" so i felt a relief so i asked him "where is his gf from" he replied "near where his friend(my bf) is living"!!! i was shocked, this old woman and her children have been thratening me over facebook over the past 2 yrs,but i always ignored it cuz my bf told me that she liked him for her daughter.then recently i got the woman's phone number an we had a nice chat she told me"my boyfriend told her i'm married,an we broke up,he's been living with her for the past 2 yrs,she's pregnant for him and she had an abortion that's why he came to see me those 5 times,they're engaged,he's been sleeping with her for the past 3yrs(everynight)i was just a cover up in work 3yrs ago so they wouldn't lose there jobs,she evn said the i made his facebook profile an i go on there an talk to my self,she put up a pic of an engagement ring on fb after that"When i asked him about it,he told me she's lying..i kept the hundreds of texts i recived from her phone(she said he sent them)threats,insults!!!!h denied it all!!!!in september(2012)his phone damaged,he hasn't bought one since,he calls me restricted now an then.i havn't talkin to him in 2 weeks,his fathers phone is'nt working.When he calls he asked me to marry him an tells m he loves me,says he misses me..I HAVE BEEN A FAITHFULL GIRLFRIEND FOR THE PAST 3YRS.I LOVE HIM ALOT,AND I'M WILLING TO FORGIVE HIM IF HE TELLS ME THE TRUTH.he's my first and only bf an i dont want to lose him although he cheated on me(no 100% sure yet)i miss him :'( i feel suicidal..everyday i wake up crying,go to sleep crying(for the past few months)everything i do reminds me of him,if i read the papers every few pages his name comes up if i go on the internet something just comes up of him and i start crying,i dont deserve this :'( i really love him an now he's maybe engaged with that old lady i have no idea how long i can hold on an go trough this!I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!now my family has been bugging me,i'm old enough to get married,"what am i waiting on"they said??i have nobody,i stoped talking to all my friends,i'm just a lonely 20yr old with no future!