I don't know whats wrong with me?

[Mose]

I'm not telling you my age, but I am under 18.
Lately I've been getting really sad, like last night I was lying in bed just thinking, and then I started crying because I was thinking of every single flaw I have, and everything that has made me sad in the past. I couldn't fall asleep until like 4:30 in the morning because my mind was racing. I've had these type of nights a lot within the past two years, and I haven't told anyone. It was pretty bad last night, though. I ended up running into the bathroom... and I almost threw up, willingly. I was about to do it, thinking of everything thats wrong with me. I was seriously ready to do it, but then I stopped myself, and I stood up from the toilet. I told myself that I'm better than that. But I really, really wanted to and that's what made me upset. I wanted to do those things to myself? I know the side effects of forcing yourself to throw up, but I didn't really care. I also almost cut myself a few times before, but instead sometimes to get my mind off things I put my nails forcefully into my arm, I have little marks but its nothing noticeable. I feel really dumb, fat, ugly, and anything else you can think of all the time. It's not like I want to feel like this, because I don't. I always feel self-conscious, and I always get anxious when I see someone I know. Is that normal? Because it always happens. Today was Fee Day at my school and my hands were literally shaking because I didn't want to go in. I tried to convince my dad that we can go next week, but we went today instead. I don't think my dad realized anything was up, he just thought I was being lazy. So when we got in, I got really self conscious and started sucking my gut and pulling at my shirt and stuff. I don't know whats wrong with me. My mom realized that a number of times (me getting anxious about little things that shouldn't matter) and she suggested therapy. I refused, because I don't want to look like a freak who needs therapy regularly. I guess I kind of am, though. I can barely ever get to sleep before 1am nowadays, and my sleeping schedule is really weird. A couple weeks ago I fell asleep at like 3 and then woke up at 7, and I wasn't tired the whole day. That's happened some times, but not very frequently. But then one night I felt really tired and fell asleep at like 11ish and then woke up at 2pm, and I was really confused. I always feel regretful when I eat something. I tried telling my friend the other day, but she seemed really happy and I didn't want to screw up her mood/day just because I'm turning into a freak. I spend most my time on the computer (usually tumblr/twitter) because no one can judge me, because they don't know what I look like. Honestly I just don't feel good... can someone please help me? I just want to know whats happening to me. My brother is in jail, my greatgrandmother died in March, but I've had these feelings way before that even. Please, please help me. I'd really appreciate it... thank you so much. xx