Girl Problem? Help Please?

[katbyrd41]

Maybe she's not going out with anybody because nobody has the guts to ask her out.

Hon, I was a teenager once, and if anybody advised me the way I'm going to advise you, I would be scared sh/tless and probably not do it. But I was a very shy girl, then, and just about anything that made any kind of social demand on me seemed impossible. You, on the other hand, are already showing some guts just considering this. So follow through. Amazing things might come of it.

My advice: Just be straight out with her. "Hey, Popular, it's nice talking to you in class, but how 'bout I buy you a cup of coffee and we get to know each other a little better?"

Coffee (and coffee shop fare) is great because it's a daytime thing, absolutely unthreatening, very public, fairly cheap, and well-liked. Nothing about it says, I want to get into your pants. Going to movies -- high stress in the dark. Going out for coffee -- fun!

If your school situation doesn't allow for going out for coffee, try something similar in-school. Set a coffee mug filled with coffee candies in front of her at the lunch table and say, "This is the next best thing to taking you out for a cup of coffee. Can I sit with you?" If she's sitting with her girlfriends, they'll get all giggly and/or insulting (yeah, girls do that), but ignore them. She's the only one that matters. Just be straightforward, again. "We're partners in Class, but there's got to be much more and better things to know about you. For starters, do you like coffee?"

You thus make a joke about the gift you've put in front of her, taking off some of the pressure. If she says, Yeah! then you know you can try to get her out to Starbux, some day. If she says, I hate it, then say, "Oops, I knew there was more to learn about you! Well, this is yours to give away, then."

And take it from there. However you end up doing it, make it clear that you're interested in HER, not in just being pals. Otherwise, it's a waste of time. Everybody goes home wondering, "Does s/he like me?" instead of going home all aglow, singing, "S/he likes me!"

Everybody around will laugh and make wise cracks and tell you you have no chance, but this is just their way of expressing how envious they are that you had the guts to do something none of them did. And how scared they are for you. Because what if she rejects you? And she might. She might say, "Oh my God, you're a troll, get out!" In which case, you know she's a jerk, and you won't feel so broken hearted. You just stand up, say politely, "Oops, sorry, my mistake. Hope we can still work together OK in Class. Please keep the coffee mug." And leave gracefully. And in class, do your best to work with her as if none of this happened. If it's too awkward, ask the teacher to reassign partners.

Or she might say, "Well...you're a nice guy, but...." In which case, you've been rejected kindly. Do the whole routine, the graceful exit, all over again.

Or she might say, "Um...talk to you later, OK?" In which case, you're not sure where you stand, but at least you know SHE knows. Do the graceful exit, all over again.

Or she might say, "I love coffee!" In which case, you say, "Great! What's your favorite way to drink it?"

And you start a conversation. Ask questions, listen to her answers, ask more questions based on her answers.

It's HARD, but it's the only way to attain anything in life. Just go for it.

Good luck, sweetheart!