Mother and brother won't speak to me. What can I expect, and what might I do that's a healthy choice?

[ChillPath]

I grew up being bullied by my brother, and cut down constantly by my mother. My father is very passive and just looked the other way. In the past several years I've read a lot of self-help stuff; Anthony Robbins, Stephen Covey, stuff like that. And it had a significant impact on my self-worth and on my dignity. I realized that I didn't have to cower, or retaliate, but could kindly 'request' dignity by my actions and not continue the dance of ill intimacy that my mother and brother had warped me into.

Last June my mother was cutting me down on the phone, which has happened weekly for years. And I told her I was not going to chat with her again unless she changed her way of speaking to me. She went into a rage and hung up the phone. I've always needed her approval regardless of her ill treatment of me (I know, codependent probably) so I called her the next day to try and patch things up. When she answered the phone she immediately started cutting me down again. Instead of admitting to any faults or cowering, I waited about a minute and then told her, I will not be treated this way. This conversation has got to continue with a different tone or I can't continue talking to you. She immediately hung up the phone on me.

That was four months ago, and she never called back. My son turned one yr old during that time, I lost a job for the first time in my life due to a 50% company-wide layoff, and then got a new great job in spite of that loss about a month later. Some big events. I know that she knew of these things because she has access to my Facebook page. Never once did she call or write. I called her once about a month ago and we had a very pleasant conversation, although it was odd because we talked about the weather, about the news, etc. but never about the issue between us. That was a month ago and she still hasn't called.

When I brought my son to meet extended family this past July, on a family vacation, my brother was as usually negative and confrontational with me. He has a sour attitude in general, but he aims it at me when a group is around. At one point in front of the family he made jabs at my son. I told him that I would not put up with that, and he and I were not going to continue a relationship until I received an apology and changed his behavior. He cussed me out and left the room. I tried calling him once, and he didn't return my call.

I feel like these family members will only have a relationship with me if I am willing to fulfill their abusive needs. Plain and simple. But I just don't know if there is another way I could go about handling them more effectively, yet, also with continued dignity.

Please share if anyone has a good idea. Thank you