Am I falling for my nerdy friend? And should I stop myself?

[Jessi]

I turn down guys quite a lot, I have high expectations when it comes to relationships.

But I was caught off guard when my nerdy friend asked me out on Facebook.

Let me tell you about this friend:

He's super smart, a genius with computers. He does his own thing, he's not a conformer. Which is great, but the problem is, he kinda hates the rest of the world. He's witty, sarcastic, and a huge pessimist. He's got low self esteem, but is prideful in the sense that he thinks (and perhaps rightly so) that everyone in our high school is a complete idiot. I know he's gone through depression before.

So he is the last person I would ever imagine to have romantic thoughts towards my smiley, sociable self. We banter a lot, but I thought it was just friendly. To be honest, I actually thought he considered me to be a complete idiot. So I was shocked when he awkwardly asked me out online.

Not on a date, but to actually be a couple...I told him that it was nothing against him and that I was honored. I just broke the news that I wasn't interested in him in a way that he'd understand: high school relationships suck.

But I don't necessarily believe that. I'm a big believer in face to face interaction when it comes to these things. I love the idea of a guy going out of his way to make a girl feel special. If he put in the effort to talk to me in person I would definitely go on a date with him. And then MAYBE go out with him. I mean don't you need to have some kind of chemistry and/or magic moment before deciding to be boyfriend and girlfriend?

Anyway, he accepted my answer and now in person we're just back to being our friendly selves. Well, my friendly self and his "I hate the world except I find it comical sometimes" self.

But then all of a sudden, I started feeling differently.

I'm starting to develop something towards him that is hard to explain. I admire his intelligence and I enjoy being around him more than usual. When I'm on my own, I sometimes watch his computer tutorials online just so I can hear his voice.

And then, out of no where, I think about just rushing into a relationship with him before but I stop myself.

I mean, we're from different worlds. He's kind of a downer. He's anything but romantic.
I don't even know how we'd act as a couple, like physical contact isn't even a thing he does.
And he for sure wouldn't want to go to prom this year, but I do. And if we're dating and I go with someone else, he'd be ticked.
And if the relationship goes awry, I'm afraid he might get even more closed off towards people around him.

But...I find him fascinating. I enjoy making him smile.
He makes me smile and he makes me want to care less about what others think.

And I think I might be falling for him. Me, the girl who turned down a "dashing" football player to the dance because his comments about my butt weren't romantic enough. I'm falling for a cynical computer nerd.

A boy whose vocabulary consists of words like routers, not romance.