I'm so freaking bored, how do I not be bored?

[M.i.s.s.]

I know how it's going to be, I'm going to do something and not be bored, and then I'm NEVER not going to want to do anything that's boring again. Like going to college, or doing anything boring. Like studying, or saying "yes" to the teachers, or trying to bs talk to the other students. Or bs talk to customers. I've been THIS BORED my whole freaking life (like 99%). I hated normal school so much I dropped out when I was 15 and then went to a chater school a few months later and graduated with my HS diploma in 3 months when I was 16. Like all this slow sh** people do, like going to school for 12 years and doing homework for every night of your life, IS NOT MY IDEA OF FUN. IT'S BORING. Idk I think it's made me anti-social. Like my friend taught me how to shoplift, so we were shoplifting all over the state and going on road trips w/her boyfriend and his friend and we'd go on road trips and just shoplift our way, to get food, clothes, whatever would fit in our coats, purses, etc., whatever we wanted that could be stolen. And I don't like talking to normal people b/c everyone is SO BORING. And the way everyone does stuff is SO BORING. I just don't want to talk to people anymore! The only way I can is if I'm boring too! Or going through BS which I do not want to do! I'd rather attack someone than go through BS. And I think my ex is the same way (also he was my best guy friend), like we started dating and then when we had sex (he was a virgin at the time), he started wanting it ALL THE TIME. Like he'd ask me to send him nudes on his phone right then and now, and I wouldn't want to b/c he could show his friends. He kept saying he wasn't going to but I knew he would. So I didn't, and then after that we were talking and I just knew he was wanting to date other people and have sex and stuff, like he wanted sex always. Like before he had NEVER had sex, and then that he got it he was like ALWAYS wanting sex. I mean the way I feel seems normal, I have to get out of this situation. Or idk, growing up my parents were always abusive, maybe abusive people are just always boring and my low self esteem attracts a**hole people and that's boring. Idk. it's to the point where I'm SO LONELY. It's to the point where I feel like I'm going to die. Like if I just layed there, I'd f***ing die, my heart would stop beating, and then what. Idk why that would scare me so much. My soul rise out of my body and look at my dead body, and my soul would be thinking "why did she do that? Why was her life so sh*tty?" and I don't know. And then my life would be over. It already feels over. I think that's why I'd die. Like literally I feel like my brain would just tell my body to stop. I think I hate myself. I think I'm crazy but I've talked to psychologists and they never diagnose me w/anything they just give prescriptions and then my a**hole parents would be in my business like "wow we really see an improvement!" when it takes 2 weeks for the medicine to start working. EVERYONE IS F***ING LYING TO ME. My friends, my bf, my family. And everyone else is so mean to me. Nothing is freaking right and idk why. I just want to drive to the east coast and throw myself there and become alive while I let all these dead people around me die. B/c nobody gives a f*** and it's so annoying. I can't go though, b/c I have to save up money, and make a stupid plan. B/c the other way never worked I'd just be f***ed.