Do I have depression, or am I just fine?

[932]

OK, so this'll be a bit long.

I don't just mope around saying "poor me poor me" all day, and I do try to take responsibility for what I do. But lately I've really been feeling like a failure and a loser. I've started feeling just kind of dead, like I don't really take pleasure in much, and my happy feelings are usually just temporary highs. I've gotten addicted to taking surveys and then using the free survey money to buy movies and music like they're drugs. And I feel worthless and like the future is dreary, even though my parents say I've got hope and good things going for me, but I feel like I don't even though I try and work hard and all. I also feel more irritable and easily annoyed, and I feel like I'm constantly worth nothing and deserve to be kicked in the face. Sometimes I get so angry and down at myself and stressed that I secretly will cuss myself out and strangle myself.

Also, I feel like since my college friends have or will have good jobs, and since I don't have a good job and can't live outside of my parents' house, I'm falling behind and alone. And they're busy, so we can't really talk much except a teeny little bit on Facebook. I've never dated any girls, and even though I try to be self-confident, kind, and fair, I still never got into dating anyone, and no girls got into wanting me, and so when I see so many of the people I know with relationships and marriages, I feel even worse about myself and think I never will be happy or have someone there.
I guess it didn't help matters that I got a history college degree, and even though I tried hard to be positive and put my name out there, I got rejected by grad schools and failed to get hired for any good jobs. And I constantly am beating myself up for getting a history degree even though I absolutely love history and I don't know what else I could do for the rest of my life, and I feel like my advisor basically stopped helping me and all the other history kids at my school.
I feel like I can't really make decisions without lots of flip-flopping and hemming and hawing, cause I'm scared I'm going to make things worse for myself. And sometimes I have trouble reading cause I'll constantly zone out or get distracted.

I REALLY do want to make my life better and I'll work really hard at it, but I feel like everything I love to do is worthless and will never get me anywhere, and I feel like I'll just screw up my life more.
I don't feel entitled or owed anything, but I just honestly am feeling all these things right now. And people around me say I'm a hard worker and smart and all, and so I should feel blessed. But I don't, instead I feel like I'm worthless and that sometimes, I'm just a waste of these skills and a disgrace to my family.

And I constantly worry about the future and every now and then, I get so stressed and frustrated I grip my throat so hard to where I begin to gag like I was choking myself.