How could I get David Archuleta to perform at my Sweet 16 party?

[podeki]

There are probably people running his Facebook page that might be able to answer your question, or direct you to somewhere that could answer it. Mention that your parents are loaded; that might help.

Get in contact with his agent; I believe his agent is his father, Jeff Archuleta. His Facebook is likely less trafficked than his son's.

Try checking around his webpage for information.

Or you could, I don't know, spend your money on something less shallow than a trite American tradition that holds no honest milestone or substantial happening other than being able to go for your license, which can often be accomplished when you're fifteen, which somewhat ruins the levity of the 16th Birthday ritual.

Sometimes I feel like America is so desperate to waste money that it has to think hard to invent increasingly stupid ways to just flush money down the toilet.

Enjoy your birthday cake. The kids in China that sewed your shoes are hopefully enjoying their bi-daily ricebowl.