Fun Writing Challenge: Euphemisms (+ some fun publishing euphemisms)?

[Joss]

The writing challenge is at the bottom.

I was thinking back to a Twitter hashtag (#publishingeuphemisms) from earlier this year where people in publishing (published authors, literary agents, editors) post what editors/agents say about author's work and what they *really* mean by those words. For example:

- “Ahead of its time” = It bombed.
- “An exciting new children’s author” = edited to within an inch of its life so no parents can possibly be offended.
- “There is such excitement in-house” = My assistant loved it.
- "This is too literary for our list” = it’s boring.
- "Sadly we are publishing a similar book to this next spring" = it too has a beginning, middle and end.
- "All our focus is on the paperback" = the hardback tanked.
- "The novel never quite reached the huge potential of its promise" = your pitch letter was better than the book.
- “You should join Twitter” = we are not spending a dime on your publicity.
- “This is too British for the American market” = I have no idea what this is about.
- “Just a couple of tiny changes needed” = I’m about to send you 27 pages of edits.
- “Meticulously crafted” = anal
- “Ambitious” = way out of your league.
- “Do you think we need the back story? = I hated the first twenty chapters.
- “In a way I think the back story IS the story” = I hated the last twenty chapters.
****

Okay, now for the challenge, especially if you're one of the people here who read the work writers post here. I'll give you some words that'll truly describe someone's work and now you have to use a Euphemism to describe it in a less harsh way. Replace *** with your own NICE euphemism for what you *really* mean (what i've provided). Eh, I hope this isn't too confusing, haha. hey, I did say it was a writing CHALLENGE!

1) *** = The characters are wooden mary sues
2) *** = Author obviously read the dictionary while writing the novel.
3) *** = Author is fond of describing every single detail.
4) *** = This is obviously a disguised memoir.
5) *** = Ending didn't live up to the hype of the beginning.
6) *** = A bad mish mash of Twilight, Hunger Games, and Harry Potter.


BQ: Which (real) publishing euphemism from above is your favorite?
-- I particularly like the "too literary for out list = boring."
@globalgirl - I've watched a lot of British comedies. hate them and don't get the 'humor'. But, saying it's too british doesn't necessarily mean it's a humor book. It could be a novel that's deeply entrenched in british culture and language, because that's something that would be hard for American's to 'get' since very little of anything british (culture-wise) is imported here in america. and when british entertainment is imported it's 'americanized' ie: remade with american actors and an americanized script so that it's nothing like the british version.
@Finesse - that's an interesting take on the BQ. I assumed by "children's" they meant books for younger kids, not teens. Nothing too offense that will make parents not buy the book. Books for teens can have darker and controversial topics that will offend some parents. Goes to show that you never know unless the person who's thinking it explains to you what they mean.