Feeling guilty for my part in divorce?

[neutralparty]

My husband of 16yrs just asked for a divorce. We hadn't had intercourse in 5yrs, but we had been intimate in other ways. I had a hysterectomy which killed my sex drive, and then developed an autoimmune disease that causes joint damage. I'm frequently in pain, and when we would have sex, I would always get a urinary or a yeast infection and intercourse was painful, so we tried other means of being close.

My husband didn't tell me until AFTER he asked for the divorce how much the lack of intercourse was hurting him emotionally, and truthfully, since we did other things, I had no idea. Had I known, I would have done it for him and dealt with it, but he said he didn't want to hurt me physically to please himself. Regardless, he said he's no longer in love with me and now has a girlfriend who he's going to spend the holidays with. He also told me he wants kids (which we discussed NOT having prior to marriage), but I understand that people change. I just wish he had talked to me about it.

The last 2 yrs have been the hardest in our entire marriage. In Jan/Feb, I couldn't walk because of my illness, so he had to care for me (he's in his late 30's). In Feb, his granddad died. In June, my dad got seriously ill and I moved in with him (unexpectedly) to help him and he passed in Sept. In Nov a family friend died. In Dec my uncle died. This past May a cousin was murdered. I am not a depressed sort of person, but both of us sank into our own depressions. Add to that severe financial stress, and our communication broke down totally. He says I put up a wall, but I think I was just depressed and mourning. The day before Thanksgiving, he asked for a divorce. A few days later I learned he was interested in another woman. Two weeks later, he told me he's spending the holidays with her.

My husband has been my best friend and I NEVER saw this coming. He is the love of my life and I'm just devastated. He never sat down to talk to me about these things, and let me know how much he was hurting. Now I feel completely guilty like I failed him and God and am just a failure because of this. I keep trying to get him to reconsider, but he's not interested in counseling or reconciling.

How can I move on and get past this raw sense of loss (again) and guilt.