Help me express myself?

[Errin Tyler]

Well, you've already taken the first step to solving the problem. Admitting you have a problem. You know, there are very few sixteen year olds who are as good at English as you are. Your English is spectacular and this is coming form an English/ESL tutor.

If you are not already doing so you should consider becoming an English tutor for your peers or at the very least offering them help with their English homework. Teaching others a skill you are good at can be a great confidence booster.

The problem is not that you hate yourself but that you hate your situation. You may not believe me now but you may understand later. I had social phobia and the symptoms only seemed to get worse and worse up until I was eighteen. It made it difficult to live a normal life because I couldn't talk to anybody for any reason. It got better over time, especially after I started working which was also difficult because of the social phobia. Now, I would just call myself shy. Maybe not even shy. I just have a tendency to observe people before I will speak to them. I study their habits and decide whether or not I can speak with them comfortably and what kind of things I could say to them.

As for your friends, if something they say bothers you or offends you, you should let them know. This can be done politely. A little teasing among friends is one thing but if something touches a nerve just say, "Could you please not bring up [subject]. It really bothers me when you do that.

As far as your guitar, you should keep it up because it's good to have a hobby. Maybe you could join a forum with others who are learning guitar or maybe there is even a group of kids at your school who are learning guitar that meet on the weekends.

Based on most of the things you've told me I would say you most likely have Social Phobia which is a fear of social situations, speaking in front of people, and a fear of embarrassing yourself by saying something stupid. Yes, those are all real parts of social phobia. You may want to join a social phobia support group.

Dailystrength.org has an excellent social phobia support group.

Remember

/Don't be mad at yourself for being quiet. You are observing the situation. Einstein didn't talk for the first four years of his life because he was listening and observing.

/Use your skills and talents and it will build your confidence. So, keep playing your guitar, writing songs, and try offering your skills at English by becoming a tutor.

/Don't give up. Things will get better even if they don't seem like it now. I can tell by your writing that you are advanced for your age. That's a good thing even if it may be the reason you don't exactly fit in with your peers.

I hope some of my advice helps you. I really do have an idea what you're going through.