what do I actually want ?

[yalers]

so this is my life story, I wasn't a brilliant learner was kind of dyslexic when young dint had any friends till high school . In high School things started to change for me .. I was getting good grades , was popular and all. I had a huge obsessive crush on this girl who is so amazing . She never knew if I existed . I had my share of relationships then so i Didn't really cared , Just admired her presense we were 17 then. So high school was over and I went college else where and she went somewhere else . That time away I realized I missed her a lot than usual ... was stalking her facebook page all the time for two years.. some how I got a grip on myself and for next 2 years moved on and started working in some other country .. I saw her fb page we were 21 and she was engaged to some guy who she met and was in love , I felt rage and jealousy but I got over it and worked hard on making myself worthy and sucessful.. now i am 25 posted in caribean would be a charted accountant soon . Its been 8 years and i was fine moving on till I saw her here the other day at the market .. I didnt expected her to be here .. so I felt miserable again helpless in love .. did my research on her social profile and came to know that she is not married and her engagement broke off ... she is studying at a medical college and would be a doctor soon and is single... Now Idk i feel like going up to her meet her , talk Idk just be near her ... But she is now way out of my league.. and IDk maybe she would reject me , IDK what kind of trouble relationship she has been into .. but i feel so helpless . I think of her all day and night .. IDK i am stalking her i hate myself for doing this . how do I get myself together and what should i do . Please dont ask me to see a shrink cos i do > i am reaching out here you guys be my shrink.