why do i feel more complete than others? am i different?

[Juli]

I am only 19 years old and i feel like i am going through an identity crisis. I have lived in three countries, i speak 5 languages and have friends all over the world. I draw, paint and write. I also read a lot. I have an acute passion for music and tbh i couldn't live without. In fact i have been playing the piano since i was 8. The problem is that i constantly seek meaning and coherence in life, which doesn't really make me such a happy person. This is partly why i have converted myself to buddhism and have become a vegetarian. For the same reason i have joined a poltical party where i am an engaged activist. I try to live in harmony with my ideals, but reality constantly disappoints me, asnot many try to do the same. I do not watch nor listen to any kind of brainswashing media, which ddoesn't leave me much to talk about the kids who spend their time gossiping about big brother or x factor. This does not mean that i do not enjoy having fun and enjoying the little pleasures life has to offer. I am actually lucky to have the capacity to'switch off' my mind sometimes, but most of the time i feel that others do not complement me as i would like them to do so. For instance i have never managed to fall in love, as all the relationships i have had were based on a physical criteria. I feel different, and i know that the difference that i embody shouldn't be something to be annoyed about. But i am. I feel i live in a world to which i do not correspond, a world of shallowness, and that i am trying to embrace too many things at the same time, constantly trying to 'revolution' myself. Moreover the more i distanciate myself from societal pressures which dictate me what to be and what to do (family, media, school..) the more free and happy i feel. Am i bound to live as a misanthrop? More seriously, i would really appreciate some advice from you if you have been through this and how you have managed to find an internal balance.

[Fake Genius]

be who you are. identify you with yourself. be different. seeking for association is the cause of identity crisis. it's not just mental, it's social mental complex.

maintain your ability. speak all languages if you have the condition for it. no need to bias for or against any of them. just be happy.

just get your education, be with your career path, meet everyone you have to, and just carry on. get along with everyone and just be good.

and don't over-think.