Is this an Interesting start to a story?

[Ami]

Ok so I have wrote a chapter for my story (Just for fun) was wondering if anyone could give me any help/advice to make it better and grammar tips. Thanks x
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I woke up confused. Where am I ? i sat up from the couch I was laying on and looked around my surroundings. I got a shock when I heard a voice from behind me. "You're awake then?" he said and I jumped. "Where am I?" I asked. The stranger had walked around to the front of the room and sat on the edge of the wooden coffee table in the corner. "You're at my house" he said softly and I started to panic. "Calm down. My friend was driving passed the school and saw you unconscious laying on the ground. He thought you were dead!" he explained. I was getting more confused now as I had no idea how I got here. Confused and slightly scared.

"He saw somebody run off with your bag and phone. He tried to stop them but was too late." I looked at the stranger in front of me and he looked so familiar. He was tanned and had dark spiky hair. His eyes of dark blue glimmered at me and looked almost frightening. He smiled suddenly when he caught me staring and that's when I knew I had seen him before. His dimples where the same as I had seen before. That gave me shivers. I couldn't remember him completely but I knew where from.

The last few days at school had been dreadful. Kids were making my life hell. There was one girl who was nice, unlike the others. Her name was Kelsey.

Kelsey was 17, one year older then myself. She'd come talk to me whenever I was having a bad day and tell me everything was going to be alright. Then we'd go have a walk outside, just around the corner of the school in the alleyway. There was a man always stood smoking a cigarette whilst we were there. I thought nothing of it, but one day he did something weird. He motioned for Kelsey to go over to him. I told her not to but she took no notice. I watched as he started talking to her and she would nod at him then walk away, never telling me what they spoke about. Each time he'd always have the same, evil, smile on his face and the sickening dimples. Each time he'd stare me at me.

He was still smiling when I came back to reality with a hard bang. I wiped my fringe away from my eyes so I could see and as I did that I realized that I had blood on my hands from my head. His smile quickly faded when he saw how panicked I was. "He must have hit you whilst he took your stuff" The man lied. I knew it was a lie because I could clearly see my bag and phone lying on the coffee table hiding being him. I didn't let on that I knew, I just simply asked for "Water". He nodded then left to fetch some water. I was terrified inside, as soon as I saw my stuff I think he seen the look of terror on my face. As soon as he left the room I shot up and grabbed my phone, to my surprise my Facebook page was open and I never leave my Facebook open. I felt sick to my stomach. I froze with shock but I was going to get another big shock right that second.

"Here's your water." His voice sounded from behind me but this time, sounding angry. I turned around to find him glaring at me and I could see the anger in his face. I had to think of something, and fast.

[Susan]

Hi Ami. I always try to give the benefit of the doubt when there is information missing. If this is a "chapter," it could be revealed at a later time. On the other hand, there is so much missing here that I feel really left out. Why were the kids at school giving her a hard time for the last few days? Why would someone take a person who was unconscious on the street to someone's apartment? Why was Kelsey the only one nice to her? Why was he "lying" when he said someone had hit her and she found blood?" I think if you read this chapter out loud to yourself you would see the errors in syntax, punctuation and spelling. I don't really know where you are going with this, but if polished it might be good. Good luck!

[Kitty]

Very interesting I would like to read more

[Saba]

It is REALLY good, i enjoyed reading it so much and I'll be so happy if you tell me where i can read the rest. let me tell you something, if i were you i made the first chapter more mysterious and then slowly started to make things clear. But I'm not you and i have no idea what's on your mind. Keep on writing you're really really talented. I look forward to hear from you for the next chapter.