How can I deal with this friend?

[Roxy]

Hi

My and my best friend have been very close for about 5 years now. But recently she has been doing things that have been making me feel upset and insecure. She has always been a drama queen and I have accepted this about her, yet sometimes she just gets on my nerves. In the past she has done things such as: calling an ambulance for falling over and not even having a bruise in the end, cutting herself (only slightly) and showing everyone and posting whining status' about her life on facebook. I always bear in mind that she does have a difficult life, doesn't get on well with her parents and even receives counselling.

But in the past few months, now we have moved into college things have been getting worse. She constantly makes references to have big her boobs are. She's always saying that she "gets so much attention for them" and then asks me my size. Yes she does have double D's and I know this is big, but I am a C cup so its not like i'm flat chested. I feel like she is doing this to almost put me down and it makes me feel self-concious as I already feel ugly most of the time.

Additionally about a month ago she lost her virginity to a guy she had only been dating for a week. I tried to give her advice and told her she might regret it (he's a lot older than her and they barely know each other), but she still went ahead and afterwards came to my house to start bragging about it. Now they have broken up (I'm pretty certain he used her for sex) and she says she doesn't care because now she can now tell everyones shes had sex. I understand that this is her choice but she always says to me "have you got a boyfriend yet?" I haven't and it puts a lot of pressure on me. Plus I'm not the sort of person who just wants to hand away my virginity to the first person I see and I know I'm not ready yet (bear in mind, we're only 16). When I tell my friend this, she almost patronises me.

Finally since starting college she has started smoking. She thinks it makes her look cool and she always offers me cigarettes. I have had a few just to see what they are like, but now I refuse them. Her response to this is "oh, you're such a good girl". I find this very patronising (especially as I'm a bit older than her). The reason I don't want to smoke is because I have asthma and actually want to be able to have functioning lungs when I'm 40.

In all, I am not going to change my standards and well not succumb to peer pressure. But I'm a very insecure person and I hate that I sometimes feel like rubbish when I'm with her. I know many of you will wonder why I am even friends with her, but she is the first friend I ever had and I don't want to lose her. Plus she knows me so well and we share the same sense of humour.
Please can I just have advice on how to deal with her when she makes comments?

Thanks
Sorry to anyone I offend. I wasn't trying to imply that self-harm is an symptom of attention seeking, and I am trying to support her. I've told her she can call me at any time and she sleeps over mine every weekend to help her get away from everything. I just find it difficult to be 100% supportive when I can't understand everything she does

[Kailyn]

A friend who is cutting themselves isn't a "drama queen."

It's EXTREMELY insulting to suggest that she is. People who cut themselves are suffering with extremely low feelings about themselves and/or about their lives. She may have undiagnosed depression or another mental illness. You yourself just stated that she goes to therapy. If you were her friend, you could recognize that she is in pain and try to be a supportive network for her.

As a human being, regardless of your friendship status, you should feel sympathetic for her. You should be SUPPORTING her in this time, asking if she needs to talk about anything. You may only be 16, but I can tell you are competent enough to realize that someone who is hurting themselves is suffering.

Secondly, your own insecurities about your 'boobs' or body parts isn't her fault. If she is your friend, she isn't purposely trying to bring you own. That's your own insecurities about your body coming out. You're the one who feels resentful for the attention she is getting.

For someone who claims to be her friend, you don't seem to like her very much. Her decisions to smoke and/or lose her virginity have nothing to do with you. Her morality should not concern you. If it does, stop being her friend. No one is forcing her. Ultimately, her choices are her own. If you do not agree with how she represents herself or how she acts, you don't have to be friends with her. You have the power to make your own decisions, like you suggested, to not smoke, to not lose your virginity, etc. It's also your choice who to hangout with.