Can I trust my partner?

[Chelle]

Hi

I'm almost 9 months pregnant and have been with my partner for 2.5 years now, we have however known each other since school. Last night I had the worst dream that he'd left me his ex girlfriend, I thought it was probably my hormones playing tricks on me however I'm also aware he used to message her on Facebook, now what I did was not clever but I guess you could call it a hunch so I looked at his messages, it turns out he and his ex had a conversation on there in july last year, approx 2 weeks before we found out I was pregnant, the conversation wasn't what I would have expected, it included how she was on holiday sunbathing to which my 'boyfriend' responded how horny the warm weather makes him, he asked for a photo and she sent him one of her breasts (she was wearing a bikini)

The whole conversation has sickened me to my core, it also goes on how she's asked him to come over to see her to which he replies he can't because he knows what would happen and he's not that kind of bloke, she also stated she's not that kind of girl..... and yet they obviously see no harm in the flirting and telling each other how horny they are!!!

He mentions how he dosen't want to delete her as he enjoys her as a Facebook chum and he likes to see what she's up to even though he won't like any of her things incase 'his Mrs' sees it.

Since this time there is no evidence of any more talk between them, obviously he found out he was going to be a Daddy so I like to think that this is why but now I just feel hollow and honestly don't know what to think anymore as I realise my pregnancy hormones may be taking a hold of this situation.

He's always putting photos of us up on his wall and his profile pic is us, he's put our baby scan pics on there too, I've noticed that his ex tends to like them but theres never any banter between them...... Could somebody please give me some opinions on this matter as I'm so confused all of a sudden. I thought we were soulmates, now I just don't know anymore.

Thank you

[Amanda]

Chelle,

While i agree it's not exactly moral for him to have been messaging this other woman, he obviously started changing once he found out you were going to be parents.

I'd forgive him and give him a second chance, or do this and don't bring it up with him at all.

He will probably react badly to you snooping instead of taking the time to examine why his behavior wasn't right. Whether you WANT to confront him or not is up to you, but be aware that this is likely how it will play out.

[Charlotte]

A lot of this is hormones. While the conversation back in the summer was inappropriate because you two were together it's probably just some flirty banter. The fact there has been none since you two found out about the baby would suggest his bucked up his ideas and takes the relationship seriously. You haven't anything to worry about. Let it go and enjoy the remaining time of your pregnancy. This is not worth stressing about.

[Serene E]

Uh.......you're asking us if you can trust the guy you have been with and are pregnant by????

Weird.

[Sage]

You have good cause to be concerned about him having a sexual banter with his ex. If you have told him how you feel about this and he doesn't respect how you feel, then he does not really care about your feeling, and at the end of the day, may only be staying with you because he is afraid to leave because of the kids, etc....

Love is not talk. It is action; what a person really wants manifests itself in what they do, not what they say.

[Patricia]

Our dreams have nothing to do with hormones as the rule, unless it's a sex dream. Our subconscious brings our fears and things we might have anxiety over to the forefront of our dreams as the rule. If you notice, many dreams just aren't that positive. It's our mind's way of getting crap out of the closet, so to speak.

Beyond that, you're stuck living in July 2013, instead of right now.

You said he's stopped communicating with his ex, and that he is involved with YOUR relationship and seems to be looking forward to the baby's arrival. I think you're fortunate in that.

As far as the old, dead-and-gone conversation with his ex? We sometimes feel comfortable with our ex because we were with them for a time, so that's probably why he had the sexy flirty conversation. It's over now, according to you.

Your focus needs to change drastically -- treat your guy like you want to be treated, and don't forget to attend to his male needs, especially after the baby arrives. I also think it's a good idea to encourage him to help with hands-on care when the baby comes. Men who are physically involved in the care and nurturing of their children, are more compassionate people. And along with that, your mutual involvement will keep the relationship strong, and even romantic.

take care.