What should i do? (Please read, kinda long but i need help) Am i really that pathetic?

[Juliet]

I'm thankful for the ones who clicked on this question and
tried to answer, even if with a short reply
because i'm troubled and it's getting annoying.

this question is open for anyone to comment on, but please
before you judge read the whole story and thank you.

So,
I started dating a guy back in September of 2013, he was
a good boyfriend, we had some things in common
we both liked each other very much
attraction of course turned to love in the end
But on November, something tragic happened to me
I lost my father due to his addiction to drugs
I was a literal mess being the youngest girl in the family and
being daddy's girl, it was super hard on me.
My boyfriend on the other hand, said that he haven't experienced the death of a loved one in his family so he didn't
know how to comfort me or make me feel good, but i was fine with that.
Until he started making jokes, and being TOO HAPPY while i was miserable which at the time i thought was rude (which i regret now) so i asked to take a little break from him but led me to breaking up with him because i was a wreck and i remembered my father saying how he hated me dating guys, and was trying to somewhat please my dad since i haven't seen him in a while and then he suddenly died (i'm pretty weak, i know that).
I still talked to him though, and told him that i still loved him but
i can't be in a relationship right now.
He made a large amount of horrible comments towards my family-dad.
Such as;
''You're breaking up with me because some guy died''
and
''Sexual activity runs in your family LOL'' etc.
Which i found extremely offensive, i still loved him though.
And told him that i needed help because i was mentally messed up, and mentioned i was going to therapy sessions etc
He then started ignoring me, which i thought was fine because
my therapist said he needed sometime
So when i finally got the right amount of therapy and got back up together, i texted my ex saying how i got better, and how i missed him and stuff
He had another girlfriend then
Which made me really miserable and horrible
I tried to commit suicide because i felt like i lost two important people in my life so FAST
and wrote him a suicide note
I think he felt guilty so he said he loved me and he wished he was patient with me etc etc
So i decided not to do it
When i asked him to dumb the girl
he made excuses such as
''I don't want to hurt her, she's been hurt so many times''
And
''I will try but not now, give me time'' and that he doesn't love her, he only cares for her and doesn't find her appealing the way he finds me appealing.
Days went and this kept going, more excuses
So i had enough and confronted him about it
He said i was crazy and if i say anything else he will call
the cops on me (Kinda sad for someone who called me the love of their life and wanted to propose)
I then said how much i loved him and cared for him
so he decided he will give me another 'chance'
We started talking normally again but it was realy awkward and uncomfortable.
My exams were coming up but i was so addicted to my phone and to his replies that i didn't concentrate much
which made my mom take away my phone
For months! and ground me
I couldn't contact him anywhere
and when i came back, i sent him messages
tried to see him
but all he did was ignore me
We used to chat on kik all the time
The first day i came back on kik, i sent him a message explaining my disappearance and he ignored it
and changed his kik username to his girlfriend's name
even on other social media sites
just as soon as i sent him messages there.
I think he's acting childish but whatever


I just need to know your opinions
I need help, because he seems to be doing fine without me
While here i am writing a long question on yahoo answers
seeking for help.
I got jealous indeed, but i'm also hurt because we promised each other marriage and shit

Please help

Love, Juliet.
I did go to the therapist in the first place to solve my mental problems not because of my ex
He was just a part of my life and that's why i mentioned him

The problem is, he didn't exactly confront me and told me that he wanted 'time' for his girlfriend, he is completely ignoring me. So.

Thanks for the comments though, some of them made me feel better. I hope this will continue on because i read each and every reply.
I know i'm young, and young love is probably just a game to some
but we were kinda serious, we're both 18 and were planning to get married/ have children together.

Which makes it harder for me to get over him since I've never been this serious before.

[Scorpafloor]

it you take this guy back you have no spine and would be doing a huge disservice to your father. Im sorry your dads dead and im sure hed give the world to make you happy or to get rid of what was making you unhappy. If you really wanted to make yourself feel better id cut off all contact with this guy. Im sure your dad wouldnt want you with this douche either.

[Mark]

Juliet, ponder over this seriously.
Do you think a boy that loves you would make crude jokes over your father's death, someone SO important to you?
Even if I never had a deceased loved one, I have enough common sense to know better.
Do you think a boy that loves you would ignore you until you were on the brink of suicide?
Do you think a boy that loves you would lead you on and entertain the thought of being with you if he's with another girl?
From what I understand, I see a unfaithful, pretentious, asshole.
One who is not worth your time.
Juliet, you deserve so much better.
Not some asshole who can happily live life while your suffering.
He might be your first boyfriend, or maybe he's not, but trust me he will not be your last and neither is he worthy of being a prospective one.

[Robyn]

I'm sure your dad wouldn't want you with someone who laughs at your pain. I'm also sure your dad wants you to find happiness in your life. The dip wad you are describing is not worth your tears or even your thoughts. There is someone out there for you that will treat you like you deserve and he will come about in time. In the meantime you need to find happiness on your own and get your education. Become a successful strong woman and then worry about a relationship.

[Richard]

Look, you had a tragic experience and yes life is going to get pretty hard but you have a lot more to live for than what you are thinking about.

Do not take this guy back, it isn't all his fault, it isn't all your fault. You are both young and made childish mistakes, beyond repair. This doesn't mean you kill yourself because one love failed.

I have been through what you talk about here and I know it isn't easy to understand. You need to make your life what you want it to be. I can tell you there is no better happiness than finding someone who wants to be with you as badly as you want to be with them. You will miss out on the best feelings, that are more amazing than you could ever imagine (right now).

I was homeless at 5, and my drug abusing parents split, my dad telling me I was the worst accident ever in his life (and this was only a week after he got in an accident drunk driving and killed his brother in the passenger seat, how he was not in jail? Because he (claims) his brother was driving but I know he moved him there with every once of my being (it was my dads car and he NEVER let ANYONE drive it but himself).

I took care of my mom and sister feeding us, living from park to park in bushes so no one would call the cops on us. Helping the elderly and finding whatever help I could. The first person to ever ask me if I was okay was when I was 8, another girl I met at the library who was also 8... We talked and I asked if she wanted to be my GF. Many years later, I asked her to be my wife and we have been married for 12 years now. I was lucky and we were united early, but I know that if someone had told me that I can feel the love I feel everyday after I met her, I would never think about ending it all, and I was getting close.

I am telling you that you can find this person for yourself. You are a lovely young woman, and if you lived by us I would even like you to date my son lol.

Move on in your life and start to repair your emotions. The loss of a loved one can be tragic and hurts but I swear to you, when you find that special someone in your life that will be by your side through thick and thin, you will never question whether or not it's worth ending your life because of the pain.

In case you are thinking to yourself "but he WAS the one" I can tell you he isn't. My wife could cheat on me, leave me, destroy the financial backbone I have built today and I would forgive her in less than a second to hold her hand once more. I feel this strongly, because I know she would do the same for me. You can have this too and should you be a more "scientific person", know you are missing physical brain matter REQUIRED to make and handle large decisions in life at your age. Not until you are 25+ will your brain be done developing these connections. I have been in this field for a long time, and because of all I have been through, and my dedication to making things in my life the way I want, I now help people on a daily basis overcome their struggles.

It would break my heart to know a young woman such as yourself committed suicide, please disregard those thoughts and push forward in your life. If you don't push, your life won't move.

You can email me any time, ask any questions you want, my life, knowledge, and experience in these things I would be happy to give you for free.

My email: R.Ploutte@yahoo.com

If for some reason that get *'d it's R (period) Ploutte at yahoo (period) com

I wish you the best.

[DavidE]

Hi. Guy perspective, I'm 36. Dear Juliet, I read your letter, twice, it's long but I've seen longer and some things don't fit in a couple lines. You mention that therapist: you should see him/her again. Not to solve your problem with your bf, but to support you instead. Maybe it's just my impression, but there's a lot of stress oozing out of every line in your letter. The good news is that there is a way out of everything, and big men and women in history sometimes did greatest things by just stop thinking and just start doing nothing at all. Got it? go back to the therapist, back to the study and cut your brain a slack. He wants time for his new gf? give him some; after a while, when you feel it's enough, you give him your take it or leave it. Good luck!

[Gema]

Every morning when getting up or whenever you have those days that you feel you are not beautiful, think of the following:
1. Look at yourself in the mirror (appreciate your flaws and your good looks)
2. Tell yourself that you are beautiful or handsome (beautiful is both inside and outside)
3. Stop comparing yourself to others
4. Recognize that we are all different (imagine a world with everyone being alike…boring)
5. Say in your head “I am smart and loving”
6. Write out in a piece of paper what you love about yourself
7. Look at the people around you (they all love you)
8. Think of your accomplishments
9. Give yourself a hug
10. Strive to be healthy