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So confused! What does this mean?
02-20-2014, 12:43 PM
Post: #1
So confused! What does this mean?
I will try to keep it as short as I can. Fiance broke up with me in Dec. Said he needed "space", but it was right after an argument about one of his female friends who doesn't respect me or that we were in a relationship, yet he continued to call me, say I love you, say he wanted to get back together. After several weeks I told him I was tired of being here at his beck and call while I remained blocked off his social media, we still weren't back together, yet he still keeps this "friend" around...I told him simply it was me or her. He immediately got angry and told me that we would never work out and stopped calling. Eventually he did call again and now he is all sweet as can be, says he misses me, that he wants to talk, he wants to work it out. I do love him, but the thing is he says all this stuff but makes NO attempt to get back together. Yes that should tell me a lot, but here is the biggest thing....he is EXTREMELY depressed. He is NOT himself.I told him I wanted to work it out but I was tired or doing all the work and I flat out said if this is to work out then its on him to fix it. This has been nearly 2 months since dumping me....we missed our 4th anniversary, he wasn't there for the death of a close relative, and now we are about to miss out on Valentines day. Im so hurt and confused that it is IMPOSSIBLE to talk to him, he either gets angry, ignores me, or something when I ask any questions...I hate to nag, but if he wants to fix and HE CALLS ME then he needs to make some effort to show me he is serious. I refuse to be a puppy dog waiting for him, Im hurt, Im confused, and I will NOT be at his beck and call. Back to the friend....its NOT him, its her that is the problem...she is OVERLY flirty to him right in front of me, cant keep her hands off him, obsessively talks about him online to all her friends calling him all kinds of pet names...I told him I find it disrespectful, but he said shes just a long time friend...yes she is older than him...but she even tells everyone online that she is madly in love with him...she crossed the line over and over....it really hurts that he puts her feelings before mine. but then again, he has never cheated, ever and im not naïve. But it does hurt that he blocked me off everything and kept her. I also do know...he really hates for anyone to leave his life...he gets upset if he doesn't hear frm his friends or if someone ignores him...I have actually seen him question some people on facebook about why the unfriended him...so maybe its just an attachment issue...idk...what do you make of this situation? I love him, but his refusal to do any action is making me think that if he doesn't get it together by vday, im gone, numbers changing, and never looking back. I cry just thinking about it, but I don't deserve this. could his depression be causing him to avoid conversations about issues or explain his behavior or is he just too concerned with having "friends"? His depression/mood problems have gotten much worse, and he does sound very depressed when I speak to him. He has been really sick with major health issues and both of his parents health are ailing, his sibling has brought a lot of stress to the family too...he has a lot on his plate, I cant deny that and he often tells me he needs space to do deal with things...but again...my issue here is him deleting me and only contacting when he chooses, yet still remains friends with this problem person although I guess he hasn't been speaking to her since shes whining about him not calling anymore and how much she misses him. its just the fact, he cant do something so small to make me feel better, he knows it really hurt my feelings when he chose to dump me over an argument about her. help?!?!?
Bentley you've obviously missed the point....she is disrespectful....not me. And it's not controlling to tell your fiancé that their friends behavior is wayyyyyy out of line. If you'd allow your husbands friends hang all over him, call him at all hours, obsessively talk about how much she loves your man, and you'd be okay with that....then I feel for you. You must be a woman with low self esteem. Because no good woman would tolerate that kind of disrespect. Picking friends is one thing when there's no issues, there ARE issues with this behavior.

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02-20-2014, 12:50 PM
Post: #2
 
Wow, you have a lot to say!

Guys get tired of girls who have a lot to say many times. You like to dig into all the reasons, and have long win4ed discussions, perhaps relationship counseling, right?

Guys are simple. Sometimes we simply want to move on the someone new and fresh.

And when you find a new guy, please don't spend the first six months talking about your ex! We don't like that either.

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02-20-2014, 12:56 PM
Post: #3
 
this belongs in single and dating. I am never disrespectful of my bf or husband/s friends even of the opposite sex. I have many old friends, some of the opposite sex. If anyone I dated or married tried to dictate who can be my friend, they would be OUT. That is not something that I would allow someone else to control.
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02-20-2014, 01:01 PM
Post: #4
 
And you are STILL trying to own him and explain why he needs you above all. Sigh.

Your issue here is that he deleted you from his social sites and only contacts you when he wants to. That is pretty normal for an engaged couple that has broken up, severed ties, had REAL issues between them. Quit counting the holidays he missed and the holidays coming up he WILL miss and get busy with yourself, woman!

The engagement is broken. Fly.
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02-20-2014, 01:06 PM
Post: #5
 
You are whipping a dead horse. This relationship is over.

It is time to move on.
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02-20-2014, 01:11 PM
Post: #6
 
The day will come when you will realize that your fiance is not the man who would love you till the end, nor will you for him, why? Because both of you don’t even know what loving a person means. There is no forgiveness in your relationship and there is no giving either. Both of you are basicly being grumpy about one another for not getting enough attention and love from each other. There is no sacrificial love which gives life to a relationship. I advise you to seek out who you really are first before you commit yourself to a relationship. For the ones who think being in a relationship
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