What am I? (Straight/bi/lesbian)?

[Chelsea]

Here is my situation, in point form. I'm really looking for honest answers.

1. Never been in a relationship

2. I like cute guys. I do. My heart beats faster around cute guys. I get shy around them.

3. BUT I've always been scared of ever getting into a relationship with one of them.

4. There was a guy I liked back when I was like 10 (I was so young I don't know if it counts)? Who liked me back. And the moment he touched my hand when we were sitting side by side, I pushed him away and felt annoyed. And I started treating him like shit to make sure he didn't like me.

5. Now whenever I think a guy likes me in /that/ way, I treat him like shit to make sure he doesn't.

6. I don't know if it's the reason why, but when I was younger (8 or 9), I only narrowly escaped a man who was following me up to my apartment. It was a really frightening thing. I didn't know what he would have done if I didn't notice him following me up the stairs.

7. More recently, a man harrassed me on public transport. Touched my thigh, grabbed my tote. It left me shaken but I was fine after work that day.

8. To be honest, the only two male friends I am truly comfortable around are gay/bi.

9. BUT I LIKE CUTE GUYS.

10. --ONTO QUESTIONING MY SEXUALITY--

11. Recently, there was this new girl in the cosplay (aka costume play, aka dressing up like anime/manga/game/whatever fictional character you like) scene in my country. I saw her at a convention and thought she looked really really good, and when I went home I went to look for pictures of her whole team. Let's call her Belle.

12. She seemed like a very nice, friendly person on Facebook. I've never talked to her yet though, we're not even Facebook friends. I'm saying this based on the interactions she's had with other cosplayers and random strangers on her Facebook timeline.

13. I've always liked looking at pictures of pretty girls. I definitely think it stems from my own insecurity. I always wonder how people could look /so/ good and I'm just here with all my inferior facial features. I don't look at pictures thinking "Mmm yeah I'd tap that" or anything. It's just amazement.

14. But I can't stop thinking about Belle. I mean we've NEVER talked. And she's not even a celeb. I'm infatuated. I don't harrass her or anything but I'm always checking if she's updating her timeline with new statuses/pictures. I even dreamed about her in a nap today. (In which I took advantage of and tried to hug her... and almost kissed her... but woke up shortly after that)

15. I've had a lot of girl crushes. Miranda Kerr. SNSD's Yoona. Barbara Palvin. But NOTHING comes close to how much I'm into Belle.

I'm just so weirded out. I've never felt this way about a girl. And a non-celeb girl, at that. But I still like cute guys, just not when they like me back.

Thanks for reading this essay! c:

[Different]

1: You could be feeling these feelings based apon all the negative experiences you've had with men/boys.
2: Are the cute boys you feel weird (like a girl with a crush would feel) around boys that you could see yourself in a relationship with? Are you ROMANTICALLY attracted to them or SEXUALLY attracted to them?
3: If you fantasize being in relationships with girls or 'Belle' then this would be an indicator that you would be bi or lesbian.
4: IMPORTANT!! Do you feel that you want to be WITH Belle or do feel that you want to be LIKE Belle? If you get the feeling you want to be with her it would be another lesbian/bi indicator.
(I say bi because you also like cute guys)
- Sometimes people confuse ADMIRATION for ROMANTIC/SEXUAL ATTRACTION.
5: Do you think you'll ever talk/speak to Belle again? If you "Facebook Stalk" people it won't be any easier for you. (Speaking/catching up with people is better that watching their every move on facebook or twitter)

I hope this helped!
BlueyGreen