Do you think this could work to completely reverse the roles to socially acceptable roles?

[Eccentric Dad]

My wife and I have a pretty dynamic relationship. Normally the man is completely inattentive and emotionally unavailable and the woman is the one who sees this and tries to save the relationship by getting his attention, but that's not how my marriage has been... I've been with my wife for 13 years now, and at the very beginning it was this way; but over the years it has turned the other way around. I would say that she is just getting lesser and lesser interested in me but that's not the case, she's just more and more interested in her hobbies/passtimes than me (which in my eyes is not the same, it's an addiction problem, not an attraction problem)... But I'm pretty tired of having to get her attention away from her vexes, it's tiring and most the time it doesn't even work. So I've come up with the idea that it's time to reverse the roles in the most healthy for our marriage way possible - by being inattentive and emotionally unavailable in return.

I know, this is a slippery slope to slide down because if we both are inattentive and we both are emotionally unavailable, then this could just become the new norm. But I can't be the person who is doing more than my share of the relationship. If she wants me in her life, she needs to make room for me; and I shouldn't have to make room for her 24/7 just in the off chance she's "bored" of her vexes and wants to hang out. My attention/life is not intended for her convenience, she married me because she loved me, not because she needed something to do when there was nothing more interesting to do... Her addictive behavior is much like a drug addict trying to find the next high when they come down from the last one. I was the same way to a degree with my video game playing and my trading card games, but now I'm 31 years old and I'm trying to raise an 11 year old boy and a 7 year old daughter; there's no room for mindless self indulgence if you don't have time to spend as a couple once and a while...

Her loop of self indulgence is endless (books, movies, shows, Facebook, coupon sites, apps on her phone, suicidal friends to comfort, you name it - no drugs or alcohol though but entertainment is a drug of escapism too), and she has an infinite supply of resources; honestly, if it wasn't for her having kids and getting married I think she would just be so self absorbed with her hobbies that she wouldn't need a love interest in her life. As a matter of fact, there are times when I feel like I'm just a paycheck and a daycare service to her! But then there are days when she's bored of all her hobbies (she's come down from her high) and she's the best wife a man could ever have. And THIS is why I want to find a way to make this work; because when she isn't on a high, she makes a great spouse.

So what are your thoughts? Have you been in a situation like mine with a woman? How did you fix it so the relationship was functional so both people's needs were being met and not just the self absorbed person's needs? We both work and make the same amount of money, so the only imbalance is that of the relationship. Neither of us follow society's expectations of genders either; what I mean is I don't care to be muscle bound and she doesn't care to be pretty. Help?

[Happy-2]

Your actual question is so wrapped up in bizarre gender-role theorization and assumption that I'm having trouble understanding what you're even asking. For example, you say, "Normally the man is completely inattentive and emotionally unavailable," but that is completely untrue, not only of my marriage, but of the other men to whom I am closest. So again, it is difficult to strain your actual question out from among all that inaccurate rambling about gender roles.

Your actual question seems to be how you can make your relationship better. The answer is, you can make it better the same way anybody makes it better: by having a conversation with your spouse in which you both express your needs, and then work together to come to specific behavioral compromises with each other. Negotiate.

[BabeHart]

You two may want to enlist the assistance of a therapist or couples counselor to help you discover what would work best for your marriage and your personality types...you do seem to have an incorrect opinion on how men and women typically feel or behave, so focusing on solely how YOU (each) feel and behave may work better (don't try to buck a system you clearly don't understand)...