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Why do i feel guilty about calling the police on my dad and sending him to jail?
10-15-2012, 06:14 PM
Post: #1
Why do i feel guilty about calling the police on my dad and sending him to jail?
My mother and father have been married for 28 years 3 kids, he has always had a bad temper and anger problems. Sometimes they would get into fights and he would shove her were she almost falls and has threatened her as well a lock her out of the house. he keeps her away from her friends and family. My mom had a face book page and when he found out he demanded that she'd delete it because he felt that it was like a dating site were you meet men. Mind you he is not familiar with technology and has no idea what facebook is. So she did.

recently my mom reactivated it to keep in touch with some overseas relatives and family. Last night he found out that her page was up and was looking through the facebook page on her ipad acusing her of lying when she did absolutely nothing wrong. He shoved her out of the bedroom. then they kept arguing. i was in my room the whole time, i just could hear what was going on. So then i hear him get louder and then i hear my mother crying and screaming. At that point I jump out of the room and started yelling at him because i saw him move away from her. My mom said that he grabbed her by the neck and choke her and pick her up by the neck and drop her back into the chair she was sitting in. I did not see him actually choke her but called the police in an instant i felt that i had to. i feel so guilty and sad that he was sent away on charges of domestic violence and battery. I felt like i had to help my mom she has spent years taking his abuse and never did anything about it. I was scared for her life and me and my siblings life i had to call the police. i don't know how to cope with this feeling he is my dad but he crossed the line.I love my parents and it tears my heart that this is happening. I also want to add that after the cops took him out the house in hand cuffs he passed by me and said "thanks (myname)" as if it was my fault that he is going to jail. That made me so angry, why would you blame someone else for your actions. I dont understand

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10-15-2012, 06:22 PM
Post: #2
 
you did nothing wrong. you did the right thing, let him be someone's prison bitch. he deserves it.

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10-15-2012, 06:22 PM
Post: #3
 
you did the right thing, your dad has no right to raise his hand on your mom...I would've done the same thing
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10-15-2012, 06:22 PM
Post: #4
 
I don't think it was wrong you were protecting your mother, if you know he got a temper problem and he hit your mother before that was a good thing to do, at least I think so
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10-15-2012, 06:22 PM
Post: #5
 
Honey u did the right thing 100% u had to look out for ur mum and siblings. Imagine u didn't call and ur mum ended up with black eyes and a broken nose. Then u would really feel guilty wouldnt u. I know its hard because u love ur dad but trust me abuse only gets worse. My husband is the exact same although he's never actually bashed me he has hit me in the back of the head and pulled ny hair numerous times. He hasnt in a while but if he does it again I will be out the door because we now have a child and her safety is way more important than him. But he is very strict exactly like ur dad I cant have Facebook I can't talk to my family only ny parents and sister thats it. I have no friends I'm isolated. And in my opinion this is the worst kind of abuse for me
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10-15-2012, 06:22 PM
Post: #6
 
I know why I wanted to do that but didn't for the society and culture,or u did it for your mom ,my dad used to hit me and my friend suggested I turn him to the police but I lived with my own pain
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10-15-2012, 06:22 PM
Post: #7
 
You did the right thing. In life, you get the behaviour you tolerate, and your dad's behaviour has not changed because it's what your mother tolerated.

That's not to say he'll change as leopards rarely change their spots, but at least he may curb it as he'll know that it's unacceptable and there's consequences.

But with "red zone" behaviour, it can't wait until the person is out of control... at that point the logic and rational of having the police come may not stop him... need to de-escalate before it gets to that point.
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10-15-2012, 06:22 PM
Post: #8
 
It's family ties. It's your blood. It can hurt to call them out on their actions (parents suffer a lot when they spank their kids. Or so i heard.) but though you may not see it right now and feel all this guilt just making it hard to breathe, you did well. You were strong enough to take yourself and your mom out of a vicious cycle that she probably never gathered enough strength and courage to get herself out of. If you and your father do end up in court and you feel that you just can't look at him while confessing every calamity you suffered because of him, don't let his glares intimidate you. He was going to suffer the same pain he caused others one way or the other anyways. Tell the judge that he is putting psychological pressure on you.(if you're a minor.) He will be asked to leave. While you may feel that you betrayed your own family, but you really saved yourself and the people you love.
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10-15-2012, 06:22 PM
Post: #9
 
Nope you did good girl as your dad was out of control and could have done more than just knock her about. You may have saved her life so all good. Your feelings are normal though and will or may take some time to settle down. Thanks for saving your mom.
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10-15-2012, 06:22 PM
Post: #10
 
give it time, maybe eventually you can build a relationship with him again. but what you did was right, it couldve gotten a lot worse if you didnt call the police
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