How can I find meaning in life?

[Fake]

I've been googling for self-knowledge but haven't come up with much. Isn't the internet supposed to be infinite? So why does it feel like I'm reading the same text about 'stepping out of your comfort zone' with the occasional mention of 'meditation', 'philosophy' and/or 'go to a therapist' over and over again? I bet the people who write those things are just as clueless as I am. Are those the only answers Humanity has been able to produce so far? How am I to deal with the World like this? Or are the Buddhists right in that the answer is to deny my humanity and don't deal with the World at all?

I lead a normal life, but at the same time I just don't know who I am. Should be a traveling bum? Or should I have a job and start a family? And if so what career should I try to pursue? And is my girlfriend the person I really want to start a family with? How can I even be absolutely sure that I'm straight gay or bi or whatever? What am I going to wear tonight?

I have been stuck for at least six years without any clearly defined life goals. I have a few good friends, and I'm lucky and grateful to have a beautiful girlfriend and a not-so-shitty job, but at the same time both have 'come with the tide' and can be seen as things that tie me to my current situation and prevent me from truly going my own way. Or maybe the notion that you can control anything at all in your life is completely delusional, and I should be happy I have been dealt a fairly good hand. Maybe in the future I will find that right now as I'm writing this I'm very happy.

But there is a fear underlying almost all of my actions and intentions, or lack of. I feel such regret for things I have done in the past, like being with a person for two more years than I should have because I feared I would be alone forever if I left her. Even now, I'm very much afraid of women I find attractive. Not in a pathological way, but in such a way that there is always a tiny part of me that will say that I am with whomever I am at that moment only out of fear. Which isn't even true, because I really like my girlfriend.

That fear applies to everything. It prevents me from doing all the things I've always wanted to do, like writing and making music, it convinces me I never wanted to do them in the first place, and it tells me that if I really wanted to do them I would be great at them. After a while it becomes comforting, and I'm afraid my world is already shrinking like that mouse in Kafka. And the worst part is knowing there are millions of persons going through this right now, this is just a mundane problem. There is even a U2 song called 'Stuck in a moment you can't get out of'. How more cliche can you get?

So I guess I should just man up, right?

[Ana H]

I think you are going through an existential crisis where you are trying to find who you are and where you are heading.

When you read the biographies of influential leaders, both historical and contemporary figures, one element they almost invariably have in common is exactly what you are going through now. They went through a period where they questioned their purpose, their strategies and where they fit in the greater scheme of things.

This crisis serves a greater purpose, and I truly believe it is a period of transformation, of asking difficult questions and in seeking to make tough decisions about ones life.

So you are on the right track in your journey of life. Don't be afraid to try different approaches, to think outside the box and to challenge yourself to keep trying. If you don't try anything you won't gain anything. And if you lose, don't lose the lesson. You will certainly find it handy in your next attempt.

Good luck!

[David]

There is a load of bs in this world that keeps humans looking for meaning in their life forever and the fact is all of this bs is created by human beings. Such as "man up". This is to make you feel pathetic for not being enough of a man, and to just "get over it" already. "Get over it" is the same as man up, except man up is supposed to make you feel insecure about the bs of you living up to your gender. You can't just get over things. That kind of mantra is spread around society because the secret is the people who spread this stuff is the media and most people realize it is easier to get along if they do "socially acceptable" things and buy into mantra like just get over it, so they will retain their man card. WHICH DOESN'T EXIST by the way. All bs is imaginary, truth is truth and you will be looking for the truth until you start cutting through the bs, which is unfortunately hovering over every kind of truthful thought there could possibly be. So no, you don't "man up", this will take you as long as it will ever take you, because life is long, contrary to the bs term "life is short". Life is long and you have as long as you need to figure out just who you are and what is real to you. All these terms are to keep ordinary people down so they don't figure out how the system works, and you have to give credit to the power/money hungry psychopaths who spread this stuff, ordinary folk are crippled by them. Every "truth" out there can be destroyed with logic. For logic to be true, you have to question against yourself, but you have been buying into things like "man up" since as soon as that became important, so you have already given that a lot of weight as it is.

You are right. The people who write these things are just as clueless as you are. And as I was once myself. What I used these things for was as a springboard to think deeper about things. A generation of critical thinkers isn't in the interests of politicians at the top, sheep are in the interests. If you buy into what they are selling without any obstruction, that is brilliant, you will do well. If you question things, you must be mad. Or defective in one or in a few ways. 100 people could say "go to a therapist" and I bet you they would be immensely proud of themselves, just like they are proud of being socially adequate, etc. For some of us "meditation", and advice like that isn't good enough, they are just temporary ideas to a bigger question, and the deflating feeling from this "advice" results in you feeling even more lost.

Those questions, they aren't important. They have a degree of importance, but the only important thing is really who are you? People though, out of design they define themselves by all of these things, when people just have to define themselves by who they actually are, but we are told that we "need" things to be happy. We don't need anything to be happy, we just need to know who we are. Even the term "gay" or "bi" is a label attached to you that is totally needless, you go into a category, along with other categories "car", "house", "job", "partner", "social life", "wealth", etc. In no way are any of these things an indicator of who you actually are, you are just you, and that is all you ever will be, all you ever should be and the way you can make your dreams come true. We aren't supposed to make money. Even people who get famous are kept in the system, they become an assortment of brands despite their talents (whatever they may be). Katy Perry probably thinks of herself as loads of different definitions to who she is when the only one that really matters is that she is a girl called Katy Perry. And her fans put her up on a pedastal as some kind of God but she's just another person, who they have been "told" to worship. And I'm sure that stuff would definitely go to most peoples heads. They are lucky, but they are as trapped as the rest of us. There is no "straight" "gay" or "bi", it is just men and women who either prefer the company of their own sex, the other sex, or both. THAT'S IT. It is not a big huge thing, but it is built up as what life is all about and we are led to believe that "things" are the solution to a happy life from as soon as we become aware as kids.

I feel like some kind of conspiracy theorist or whatever sometimes, but fuck it, I'm telling the truth, that I figured out by questioning what I wanted to be true every time I had an independent thought. Everything links up. And EVERYTHING can be questioned, and broken through. It takes time, but then again, "life is short" is designed as a romantic term, but for every one person who smiles at that thought there are 9999 more who think time is running down. It isn't running down, this is a big long thing that you are not even nearly through and you have to give yourself as much time as you need out of necessity to figure things out, because there are answers, but you need to have your own back, because no one else will. Not even "psychologists". The simple truth is that every human being has a brain, a soul and a heart of their own and these are the things that make us into human beings, of which we are all able to do absolutely anything. Yet we can not even talk (which is the solution to all problems by the way, CONVERSATION, just like "thinking too much" is not the bad thing it is made out to be, we are thinking FOR A REASON - There are holes that can be blasted in everything I assure you of that). talking is how we figure everything out, because we have the capabilities to say and think anything we want, and we are only held back from that stuff because we are crippled by thigns that are "allowed" and "not allowed". So there are answers, but you aren't supposed to be looking for them, and it is saddening that people not looking for them, impede people that do

That U2 song by the way, the great thing about art is that amidst all the commercialism that gets attached to them good art will live on long after the money making period is over. As I was saying about Katy Perry, she makes a type of art (if you can call it art/music nowadays) and that type of art will live on for long, but right now it is manipulated to make money. You like and relate to that U2 song and whatever other songs reach you because that is YOUR SOUL, the thing that will save you, that is the reason you feel depressed, it's because depression is a battle between the ego and soul, and ego is the thing telling you "what you should be", and you are in a battle because it is not just your own ego, it is the ego of the world all around you, all the other people who are "who they should be". You are only supposed to be yourself, you can be alone, and that is all you would ever need. Fear is inspired to keep us in line and the people who use that fear to aspire to things are the people who are most lost, despite the wealth of things. When we are all dead, we are just going to be ourselves, and it is up to us whether we truly know who we are or not. Just have to beat the bullsh!t that "tells" us who we are, and tells us that "thinking is bad for you". Depression is the best thing that can ever happen to you - if you decide to be your own boss, and realize this logical fact, nobody on the earth can have or will have any good idea worthy or advice or suggestions for what you should do because they have no accurate reading in any way close to what is in your heart, what your soul is crying out for, what has gone on in your mind, and the very real feelings of your experiences. Human beings are tied with all of the same labels and we are led to believe that not being enough labels will make us fear things. People have mid life crisis' because they spend their early lives doing all the things they "think" will make them happy but then realize they don't have a fucking clue who they are. I only tell you this because it's the truth and I'm passionate about humans reaching their dreams. Just because I have always been an everyone can win kind of guy. but you have to question everything I say, relate it to your situation, question what you think of this stuff etc. You have to question everything on the planet, because there are answers for everything.

Here's my blog. Give it a whirl http://davemasterblaster.wordpress.com/

[Eric]

AYAHUASCA