Help! I keep crying because I had to leave my abusive husband!?

[Heidi]

I am not officially divorced. I left him 5 months ago but I gave him over a year to try to go to counseling with me and go to church. He refused on several accounts. My husband stranded me over in a foreign country, has physically and emotionally abused me. I am only in my mid 20's. I have no children with my husband but we do own a house together. I know my husband also has anti social anxiety disorder. I love my husband so much I tried to talk to two ministers to save the marriage but there was nothing they could do because my husband has to try to go and seek help. I don't believe my husband ever will. He has too much pride and he tells me that I am being an awful and disloyal wife be leaving him ='(... I have been abused most of my life. I have been molested by six different men in my lifetime. My husband and I have created so many wonderful memories together. Most of our memories are absolutely amazing. I would do absolutely anything to get our marriage on track and for him to seek the help he needs but he refuses it. I sometimes look at our old marriage photo's on facebook at work when my manager is not looking. I am an office manager and sometimes tears will be rolling down my face. Help! How do I stop feeling so sad over the pain? How do I just move on? I would give anything for my husband at all...
I'm out of the foreign country now but my husband took me to Korea where I did not know how to speak any of it. I am not Korean- But we were there for 3 weeks he punched me and raped me while we were there and ignored me on the family trip. My husband said he was so sorry for doing those awful things to me.
My husband admits that calling me names and hitting me is wrong but he refuses to do anything about it. He just says that people make mistakes. I told him how can I know and be guaranteed you won't ever call me names again? He just said he could not guarantee that.
My dad was abusive for 18 years and now he is not anymore. I used to tell my parents some of these things about my husband but they just said that oh your father was like that... He can grow out of it and things like that. I just feel so depressed about having to leave everything behind. My parents and I used to love going over to my husband's and my house where we would spend the whole Saturday or Friday together. I had the best neighbors and wonderful pets that I left behind.
Sometimes I have dreams where my husband makes the decision to seek counseling and we have the best marriage. I wish my husband would just hold me in his arms and seek out resources to get our marriage back on track. I told my husband this and he just said well yeah I want many things too. Then I am like let's work on it together? but then he always has some excuse afterwards for not seeking any resource. I cry because all I ask for is him to seek the resource.
I have received counseling but I can not continually afford paying for counseling. It is very expensive and I have already went to like 10 or 11 sessions. I already know I want my husband to get counseling but he won't. So yes I already know that he needs counseling I wish that I could afford for myself as well.

[Carol]

You're mourning for the person he used to be, or who you thought he was. You're wishing that person would return but is permanently gone, mainly because he never existed. Instead you have this mentally unstable and abusive man making you miserable. Of course you feel sad. So many good memories being overshadowed by the bad ones. And the bad ones are terrible enough to leave him.

It's ok to feel badly. Feelings are not like a light switch where you can turn on/off in a few seconds. Take the time to sort out your feelings. But never, ever go back to this man. Let the pattern of abuse in your life end with this man. Allow yourself to heal and eventually find a man whom you are in love with and will treat you well. Surround yourself with positive people as well. You deserve it. Good luck.

[BabeHart]

YOU need counseling to help you get past this...

[Ninja543]

You need to seek a psychiatrist, you're not in the right mind at all. You shouldn't love your husband, and he doesn't love you, even if he says he does he's lying to you and maybe to himself, when you love someone you'd never hit or rape them. I know you love him, but if you were in the right mind you'd see how it doesn't make any sense to feel that way about him.

Even if your husband was able to get and recover, he's too dangerous to give a second chance. Divorce him if you haven't already and report him for doing those things to you, get a restraining order, and stay away from him. Never return to him, you'll end up getting abused again.

You need to move on and find a guy you deserve, someone who would give their life for you, but first you need to recover from all of this. If you don't' get help, you'll never recover, so it's very important that you do.

AFTER SECOND ADDED: Okay, I understand now, you father turned out fine and they're convincing you the same will happen with you husband, but there's something you need to understand and that they should understand, that was luck that your father isn't abusive today. Just because your father became a good person doesn't mean your husband will, and it's too dangerous to take that chance. Your parents aren't that great otherwise they'd want you away from him so you can be safe.

As for not being able to afford counseling, there are other options:
https://www.google.com/webhp?hl=en#hl=en...ng&spell=1
I know it's hard to let go, but for your own safety your going to have to. Don't worry about him being alone, that's what he's earned himself; hitting and raping is cruel and inhuman, and there's no excuse for it. The guy you loved is gone and all that's left is this abusive man, even by some rare chance he'll recover like your father, staying with him is dangerous, in the worse case scenario he'll kill you, you need to give him up and move on.

Also know that your not alone, you still family and friends, and there are online support groups like this one:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-...buse/forum

[amberfranklin]

you need counseling both you and your husband

[Sue C]

Honey, I too have lived with EVERY kind of abuse there is, emotional, verbal, mental, physical to getting Restraining Orders. An abuser is a person who is filled with anger, a controller, has low self esteem. Only a Professional counsellor who councells in Anger Management can hope to help them. When I got a Restraining Order, he was court ordered to Anger Management. Yes, it has helped. I will admit there are times when he is everything but physical, but I've been able to overcome it. Yrs. ago I attended Alanon for an ex alcoholic husband. I used a LOT of what I learned in Alanon to help me overcome things that would normally bother me. I am so sorry your husband refuses the help he so badly needs. Honey, it's the man you once had that you miss so much. Unfortunately, he is no longer that same person. That person is gone & in all reality, you are mourning the loss of something that is deceased in a manner of speaking. You mentioned going to church with you. It sure wouldn't hurt to pray & ask God for help with your lives. I'm a Christian who KNOWS without a doubt that God does hear & ans. our prayers. Put it ALL in God's Hands & pray for Him to take care of it for the sake of you both. Let go & let God!!! I too know how it feels to loose the one you love. I'm a 25 yr. sober alcoholic who made some unwise marriage decisions when I was drinking. Married other alcoholics who just would not get & stay sober as I did. Of course those marriages ended in divorce. My last one, I loved him so very much, but he cheated on me constantly, then to find out thru counselling he also is a "womanizer", to get Professional help for that too along with AA. It was then after 11 LONG yrs. I ACCEPTED the truth as such, ended our marriage. I felt like a ton of bricks rolled off my shoulders. Altho I loved him, I was finally FREE of it all. Honey, THIS IS just what you're going to have to also do with your marriage as much as it hurts. I put the past in the past, went forward with my life. My past was forever gone, but my future still my own. Same for you. I now have been with the same person for 23 yrs. Time DOES heal our broken hearts, that I KNOW. Time WILL also heal your broken heart. Know there is a special someone out there just for you. Someone who WILL give you all the love & happiness your heart desires. You haven't met him yet, but will when you least expect it. You'll then know why he just wasn't the one meant to be for you in your life. We never know what the future holds for us. Just TRUST it's all going to be OK in time. That I can tell you from experience & living thru ALL I've lived thru in my life time as I'm much older than you. Honey, once you accept things as they are, free yourself from them, know time WILL take care of you. Happines & love IS in your future in one way or another, KNOW that for fact. My tho'ts are with you, honey, I so wish you all the very best...

[freedom fighter]

Abusers need to take responsibility for themselves, and see counseling to change. You can only change yourself..take care of yourself..seek legal advise..

[digimutt]

Listen honey you need to stop. You left your abusive husband and that is a good thing Now I know that counseling could help him but not unless he wants to go and get help. There is nothing you can do that will make him want to change and get the help he needs. He has shown you that he has no intentions of doing that. You need to let this go. No need to throw your life away trying to fix something that you cannot possibly fix. The ball is in his court as far as getting help. It is in your court if you want help. You need to give up that dream of the happy life with this man, Ain't gonna happen You need to get away and heal yourself. IF you let go of the past and realize how much better you are without him you can then start to look to the future which can be happy with a decent man that loves you and will treat you right. This is not that man. You want to heal to feel better, to have a happy life? Then end this mistake of a marriage and put this man in the past and out of your life, heart and thoughts