I feel like I have no social life compared to my friends? Am I falling into a vicious cycle?

[Tina]

I have a lot of friends in school, on facebook, contacts on my phone and whatever. But out of all those friends, I really only hang out with 5 or maybe 6 of them. In the beginning of the school year I had plans like every weekend, each time with someone different. But ever since October or November, I feel like I have no social life anymore. My friends are all busy with their sports with other friends, family, or just other friends in general. Then I started to get in the cycle of comparing myself to them in every way possible. They have more friends than me (since they're more involved in programs/sports) and that they have a better life than I do. I'm on winter break now, and so far out of the two weeks I only have plans for like 6 of the days. I'm going to have a whole week of boredom and loneliness, and my brother doesn't come back for about another week and my friends are all going on a trip. I really don't like this feeling of loneliness, and I've been feeling like I'm a failure ever since I got my first C of the year on my recent AP Chem test (which I cant get over that, either). I'm starting to think that I'm messing everything up when hanging out with people, so that they don't want to hang out with me anymore and I'm starting to get a little nervous to continue with my plans for the week, afraid of "messing things up" leading to people avoid me. I feel like I'm being too paranoid, but recently I feel like I've drifted away from people. How do I get out of this negative thought cycle? I tried to keep my head up but there is always something that just brings me down again.
Before I used to be fine like this, home all the time. Actually, I used to LOVE it. But now, its just killing me and I feel ridiculously lonely because of it.
Also, I am home alone all the time from 9 am to 7 pm

[Lavender B]

Just calm down. You do sound VERY paranoid. Many people tend to only hang out with just a handful of their closest friends so that is not unusual. I have 4 very best friends in all the world but I also have many "acquantance" friendships as well. I value my 4 bestfriends (one of them is my boyfiend who I love most of all) more than any other of the friendships I have.

And look at that old TV series called "Friends". Ross, Monica, Rachael, Phoebe, Joey, and Chandler. They were each other's bestfriends. You never saw them hanging with anyone but each other. You don't need to have dozens of friends to be anybody. If you only had just one friend that is a blessing because many people don't even have one friend. So be grateful for the 5-6 you do hang out with. And remember, no matter how bad you feel your life is, there are always many more people in this world who's lives are far worse off than yours. When you see it that way, you feel less bad/sorry for yourself.

You are on winter break so it is understandable that you may not feel as sociable now. All the people you normally are with are out and about doing their own thing. If you do celebrate Christmas, it is normal that kids in school on winter break don't get to see their friends like they do when they are in school. These are holidays for many and they are out and about with their family around this time of year.

You need to get more into things in your neighborhood. Get a pad and pen and make a list of all the things you can do in your neighborhood in your spare time. Safe, good/moral things, like volunteer in a soup kitchen that helps prepare and serve food to the homeless. Go to any elderly people your parents consider to be good friends of theirs and volunteer to do errands for them. Like go to the store to purchase a few things for them, sweep their sidewalks for them, wash their cars or take their pet dog for a walk. Join a neighborhood children's club where you can hang out at with others your own age. Go to the mall, if your area has one, and just hang out there. Alot of times just being in a place like the mall around a bunch of people and great-smelling food will take the lonliness away. You have to make the first move.

Get permission from your parents to do these things first before you begin anything. That is most important. And tell them just what you told us here so they can have a better understanding of how you have been feeling. They may even have errands for you to do each day to keep your mind occupied.

You said you friends play sports. So why don't you play sports in your school and neighborhood also? You're JUST AS GOOD as they are. So find a favorite sport you love playing and join it. See, that's not hard to do. I am sure you can find this stuff out if you made the first move to do it. There is too much for you to do.

If all you do is sit around all day long whining about how unsocialized you are, then you deserve to be bored. Get up and look for things to do. You will find very productive things to do that will build your self worth and esteem.

Ask you parents to help you look or an aunt or uncle or grandparents, if any. There is always something a person can do to take away their boredom. Being in the house from 9 am till 7 pm is ok on 1 or 2 days a week but not every single day. Most days you should be out experiencing safe, fun things to do. Once school resumes, you have more things to do with your friends.

There is nothing wrong with you. Why do you need to compare yourself with your friendships? They are no different or better than you. Believe me I bet a lot of them think the same like you at times. You are young and still growing and learning and these feelings happen to us all. I am 19 years old and believe me, I have had my insecure moments as a teenager and when I was a kid. And I was always into sports and hobbies too. I still get bored sometimes but when I do I get up and go find things I like doing. And when my boyfriend is off from work and school, we go hang out together.

Your close friends may not always be available to hang out with at times. That is very normal. My bestfriends can't hang out with me all the time and my boyfriend can't either because he is in school AND he works. When they all can't be around you need to have things to do even if it's by yourself to keep the boredom away. The time goes by super quick when you keep yoursel busy doing things you like. So, just know that FRIENDS WILL NOT BE THERE EVERYDAY. They have things they need to do too that do not involve you or their other friends. Same with you. So try to understand that.

And don't compare yourself to your friends to the point that it make you insecure. You are the person you were created to be and you are perfect just the way you are. When The Father created you, He saw that you were good and perfect just the way you are. He validated you and you should be proud of that. No one is like you. You are perfect just the way He created you to be. So stop all this nonsense about comparing yourself to your friends. You have SO MUCH to offer to your family, friends, and this world.

So you have plans for 6 out of the 14 days? Wow, you make it seem like that's nothing. 6 days out of 14 is a LOT. You should be grateful to have all that spare time to find other things to do OR to just relax and play some video games, watch TV or find a really good book to focus on. Try going to your neighborhood libray and find a book to read.

Have you ever heard of the book "Game of Thrones"? You may even watch the series. It comes on HBO. It is an AWESOME series. If you don't/can't pick it up on TV, go check to see if your neighborhood library has it. You can spend that whole 7 days reading it. Buy you some popcorn and find a nice comfortable spot in your home and read it. You will love it. It will take you away to a whole other time and place. Or if you perfer another genre of book stories, check out the ones you like . Reading can be so much fun when you are reading about things you love.

So you see there is so much you can do, sweetie. Just don't feel sorry for yourself. Every human being throughout history has gone through moments of doubts in their lives. It is NORMAL, ok? Smile and always treat your parents, siblings, friends, and other people, the very same way you want them to treat you and you will be just fine.You are special and great just because you were born. Always believe that and never, Ever let anyone tell you different. Now get out there and have some fun. Shalom.