Relationships involve sacrifice, but when is it enough?

[temarisan231]

I think most can agree that relationships involve sacrifice, however, when is enough, enough?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months, and I think our views on relationships are quite different. He would literally give up anything for me, and he has given up a lot for me. He does a lot of great things that I don't even ask for. He'll stop talking to female friends for me, even though I don't ask him to do that. He stopped drinking alcohol for me, because he knows it bothers me a lot.

I do a lot for him, as well. I've given up so many great friendships for him. There are guys I know that he really does not like, so I stop talking to them so it won't upset him. I used to go to anime/comic conventions with my friends, but he feels uncomfortable with me going, so I stopped going for him. And recently, I deleted my twitter because some of the things I posted bothered him a lot.

Now, some of these things, such as writing on my twitter and going to conventions, are a way of expressing myself. I feel like he's taking these forms of expression away from me. Almost like he's not letting me be my own person. Is it right for me to feel that way? He would do these things for me, and he HAS without question. But I'm questioning it all now. I really love him, but I feel like this isn't fair.

What should I do? Thanks in advance.

[Hana x]

stand up for urself hunny, the more u give the more he wants dnt let him mess u n ur life around x

[Dubgli]

I think his issue is with guys that you hang out with. Is it really that hard to express yourself without another guy? Can't you go to these conventions with someone other than a guy? You should be able to go or hang out with anyone, but if it bothers him then you have done what most girls will not and thats honor his feelings by stopping some of the relationships you have with other guys. He needs to trust you with the whole convention thing and perhaps you need to build that trust. He can't just trust you out of the blue, you both need to work at it.


Bottom line, he should not limit your methods of expression and if you really love him and really love the ways you express yourself, you will find a way to do both.

[Sandi]

If these things (twitter and going to conventions) mean that much to you, you shouldn't have to give them up. If they are a part of who you are, your boyfriend should be able to accept it's a package deal. He is truly making a sacrifice if he's able to trust you with those things, even if it makes him feel uncomfortable.
To me, it sounds like there isn't a whole lot of trust in your relationship (not meaning to offend you at all). I just find it a tad ridiculous that you two have given up on some good friendships with the opposite sex just because you're dating someone. I could understand if your boyfriend was still besties with his ex, and you requested that they do not hang out because of their history.
My one ex use to hate it when I texted anyone but him. Mainly because I refused to let him go through every text in my phone (At the time, I had a female friend who was struggling through some stuff and it needed to be kept private, but my ex didn't believe me). And because I refused to let him go through my phone, he accused me of cheating on him, he didn't trust me. It was a horrible relationship, he didn't let me hang out with any of my guy friends without making a huge deal about it, and he even made me feel guilty about hanging out with female friends because he felt I wasn't spending enough time with him.
My current boyfriend and I have sat down and talked things through. All the things that make us uncomfortable/worried. He and I both make sacrifices for each other in the sense that we let each other live our lives how we want, and trust one another that nothing will happen that would hurt the other. I know he has a passion for his street/hiphop dance, so I would never dream of taking that away from him, even when it makes me uneasy when he goes to all the classes/sessions and travels to participate in dance-offs.

It sounds like you two need to sit down and talk things out. Express to your boyfriend that these things are important to you, and don't be afraid to put your foot down if he still doesn't want you to attend conventions or have a twitter. With this being said, be prepared to make equal sacrifices, if he wants to do something (within reason), keep an open mind and be prepared to step out of your comfort zone. Sacrifices take more than just giving up something of yourself, it also takes trusting your significant other and being willing to take the risk.
Don't keep each other on a leash. It will wear both of you out and eventually slowly eat away at your relationship. To love, you must trust, it is the foundation of a relationship.