Please eval my cover letter?

[Stacey]

I don't want to undersell myself, but I don't want to appear arrogant. I just graduated college and am going crazy not working lol. What would you change? How do you think this compares with most entry level cover letters? thx


Attention Hiring Manager:

I am interested in pursuing the job opening in your marketing department, because I think my credentials and enthusiasm to diversify my experience will compliment your company’s overall goal to promote brand awareness and improve customer relations.

I am passionate about the accolades I pursue and am confident that my experience in marketing, social media, sales, and journalism will make me a good fit for your company.

Since 2008, I developed and self-managed an online business that specializes in collectibles and fine jewelry. I also developed and managed a Website for a family owned construction company that required proficient use of applications like Cyberduck and iweb.

Recently, I served as a content writer and copy editor for the Rescue Mission’s monthly newsletter. Part of my duties included writing copy for a 20,000+ audience, performing editing duties for the CEO and other executive staff, and designing and managing a smaller biweekly newsletter for the Rescue Mission Youth Program. Working with the organization required proficiency of Microsoft Office Suite, the creative ability to cultivate and successfully manage an online blog that raises awareness of child homelessness, and good knowledge of the Associated Press writing style.

My principle goal is to invest myself into an enterprise I feel passionate about, and to diversify my skills along the way. I am a firm believer that education does not stop after college and that striving for self-improvement in my career and my personal life will make me a better person and improve my ability to approach goals successfully.

I am excited to learn more about what your company has to offer, and if you think I will be a good fit for your team.


Best Regards,
I posted this in the career section, but no response.
Great advice with vital details I carelessly overlooked lol.

I do plan to change the "hiring manager part" depending on what company I apply for. This is just a template I devised to start out.

[JayWild5]

Seems great i would hire you the only thing id recommend you to change is find out the hiring managers name and place it like say his name is Greg Thomson make it like

Attention Greg Thomson:

Then it seems like you put more effort into getting the job and you have a higher chance of getting a job.

[Holly L]

Overall, this is good, but you can improve it. I'll go paragraph by paragraph.
1. You really need to sell yourself and be more forceful here. Remove all "I think." You're the one writing the cover letter, so that's assumed. Don't start with I am interested...Start with My credentials...and so I am interested in pursuing. You want the company to want you.
2. Merge this sentence into your first paragraph. Maybe instead of saying credentials in your first paragraph say "my experience in marketing, social media, sales, and journalism."
3. This is good. I want to know more. How well is this business doing? This is great selling point!
4. This paragraph is excellent. You used numbers to specify your performance. If you wanted to improve it, you could directly relate how you will put those skills to work for the company you're applying to.
5. This paragraph is okay. Try to target the specific company more. Why this company in the industry? You always want to customize your cover letter to the company you're applying to.
6. Get rid of "and if you think I will be a good fit for your team." Say "and I look forward to speaking with you in the upcoming weeks about I can seize these opportunities." Always use the last paragraph to put in an action statement. What I just wrote is a weak action statement, but it still counts. It might be even better to state that you will follow-up after 2 weeks to ensure that they have all your materials. It shows you have initiative, and it further encourages the company to contact you.

Good luck!