Should I be worried about wife's messages to other guys?

[Michael]

My wife uses a similar site to facebook which encourages people to communicate with others from around the world. Recently she has started using the site more often than normal and at one point left her account logged in.

I don't excuse my actions but I looked through some of the messages and they were from a few guys that she had messaged first, there was nothing bad or threatening to our relationship in the messages, however, when I asked why she used the site more often now she replied that I shouldn't worry and that she only communicates with girls there.

I'm just wondering although the messages aren't flirty in any way should I be worried that she said she only messages girls? and what should I do?

I have no problem with my wife messaging other guys but I don't think the fact that she lyed about who she messages.

[Svenka]

Well since you said that the messages were innocent, Id say she probably lied so that you wouldnt be upset or worry about why she was messaging random men.

BUT, its still very shady that she lied and the fact that she even feels the want or need to strike up conversations with random men. As a married woman (and I can only speak for myself) If I lied to my husband about that it would probably be because I was getting excitement from these hidden messages. I dont see any other reason for not only doing it but also keeping it from you.

If I were you I would simply bring it up to her and ask why she lied as well as why she feels the desire to even message them to begin with.

I hope it works out!

[Liza2]

I'd suggest you set new boundaries for your relationship. Make your life into an open book for her and request that she do the same for you. Make your passwords, your phone, your fb, your yahoo, ETC fully available to each other. Full transparency.

In other words, it will be an underlying expectation that either one of you can check out each others' SOCIAL (not private) media at any time. Private thoughts can still remain private in a diary or journal or etc. However, as social media is NEVER private (it requires at least two people) there is no need to put someone else in front of your spouse.

Oddly, once you two agree to stop keeping secrets from each other (passwords, accounts, etc.) then you'll both feel more accountable for your actions with others AND you'll feel less insecure. (If you KNOW your spouse is okay with you checking his or her accounts at any time then you won't feel the need to do so unless something really strange or uncomfortable happens in your relationship...And in some cases full transparency can put a stop to cheating before it starts.)

[Hurricain]

She probably lied so you wouldn't feel compelled to snoop through her harmless messages.

Too late, huh?

[Dufus]

I agree w/ Svenka. There's definitely something shady about it. You really should talk to her. Lay all the cards on the table kind of talk. As a married woman myself, I find it totally inappropriate to message men, even if it is innocent. Emotional affairs start out innocent. I'm very happy in my marriage, but I would never want to put myself in an inappropriate situation. It's my way of safeguarding my heart since it belongs to my Husband, and he feels the same; we decided that before we were even engaged.

A good question to ask in addition to the lie, is would she send/receive messages with you sitting next to her? I hope this is nothing. Good luck.

[snack_daddy10]

So she may be flirting with other guys to get an ego boost.
Is it really that bad?
After so many years together she knows you will say what she wants to hear, but these other guys they are fresh and new and honest (or lying sob that want to think they can seduce a woman).

[pinkpeony]

Neither me or my husband are on facebook or any other similar sites. It's not that you shouldn't trust your wife but being that she openly lied to you tells me that she has no problem being dishonest at least to a certain extent with you. You shouldn't feel guilty about looking at her page it should be open to you. Unless she has something to hide. It may be best to make an open site policy where you both have access to each others facebook etc pages. OR maybe it would be best to just get rid of them all together or have a families only page where you can put some of your very best friends on with family. You may never have any problems with cheating and you must be able to trust each other but, with that being said, there are certain situations that all married couples should avoid. I would have a talk with her and be completely honest tell her she left her page open and you saw messages to guys. Ask her why she lied and then try to work out some arrangement that you are both happy with. Good Luck!