Should I go live with my mom?

[Twilight_lover_<3]

My parents got divorced when I was about 6 years old (apparently because my mom cheated on my dad). But I also have memories of my dad hurting my mom. Their marriage ended on very bad terms. My sister and me have lived with my dad ever since the divorce and my dad made sure we never saw our mom ever again. He took her passport away and she got deported from the country. A few years later, when my sister and me got Facebook accounts, my mom contacted us. That's when we started talking to her behind my dad's back. A few years later, when my sister turned 18, she ran away and moved in with my mom. It was the first time I ever saw my dad depressed and sad. I'm going to turn 18 in less than 2 months and I've been really thinking about moving in with my mom and sister. The only thing holding me back is the fact that if I go through with this, I know I'm going to hurt my dad and I hate hurting other people's feelings. I am grateful that he raised us and gave us everything we need. But every kid needs his mother. I mean how could he take our mother away from us? I find that very selfish. Ever since my sister left, she seems very happy with my mom. Living with my dad can be quite depressing at times. He doesn't know how to show love and all we ever talk about is school. He's anti-social which caused me to lack social skills. I really want to go live with my mom and sister, but I'm scared of leaving my dad behind. I don't want to ruin the relationship we do have. But at the same time, I feel like I need change at this point. I'm thinking of running away and leaving a letter explaining why I did it. I can't talk to him about this because whenever I do, he either makes me feel guilty for wanting to reconnect with my mother or bringing up the subject just feels weird. I'm really confused and conflicted about what I should do. Any advice or words of wisdom? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Thank you for your help.

[Jessica]

Sounds like he did what he did out of spite.
men can be F%^&ers like that! I'm happy you found her!! and seriously?!? He did not care that he deprived you and your sister from your mother... nor did he care that he prob crushed her by taking the two of you.. I say screw him! spread your wings.. Fly away little bird
After all, you're bout ready to leave the nest anyways.. It's a great big world out there!
Go explore it.

[griggle]

i'd say go and visit her. talk to your dad about it. he'll probably understand. once you turn 18, he can't stop you anyway.

[David]

If your sister has grown and appears to be enjoying the situation with your mother. I would say go to her and your mom. time to make up for lost time. Leave a note explaining this to your dad, but he caused part of this. time to know her.

[fiery_vaca]

Do what you want man. You haven't got to see your mom in years and if you want to live with her, that is your choice. Once you turn 18, your parents no longer have any legal bearing on you. Even though he made some real jerkish (nicest way to put it) moves, I wouldn't hate him for it. If you do move away, I think you and your sister should still try and keep in contact with him unless he tries to guilt trip you. Your father may have some mental stability issues from what you have said, but I am not a doctor so I am not able to say. If he has ever shown any suicidal tendencies, it might crush him to have lost both of his children... That's why I say keep in contact with him. Just try to think about it over the next two months and decide whats the best way to get out of his house and into your moms without completely crushing your father. I know you and your mom are probably thrilled about getting to see each other again after such a long period of time. I'm sorry that you have had to go through such a rough situation and I am sure you can figure out the best method for this. Best of luck to you.

[rlc_60504]

Your mom took off with another man. You kids weren&#x27;t a priority for her at that time in her life. The court system is antiquated and almost always favors the mother when it comes to a split with kids involved. If your mother wanted to be a part of your lives, it would have happened...unless she was a significant risk to your well-being. I don&#x27;t buy the story that your dad kept her from you. Once she ran off with this other guy, he may have been pissed and tried to shield you from her and break contact with her.

You know what you have going with your dad. He sounds like a great man. Your mom abandoned you and your sister and dad. I under stand you want to explore who she is. Maybe look into visiting her here or there?

[Patricia]

I have a son who moved in with his dad when he was fifteen years-old... they lived miles apart for years and while his father had visitation throughout the years, they didn't spend a lot of quality time together because of the distance... His father and i had a terrible divorce, too, but i kept the feelings of my son in mind, and i'd never have denied him time with his Dad.... just because i no longer care about his father, doesn't mean my son can't have a relationship with him. His dad loves him. Many people don't get this!!

Your father seemed to disregard you and your sister's feelings and didn't allow you to contact or see your mother for years. He sounds like he is very bitter and miserable. And no, i wouldn't want to live with him either.

If he doesn't understand you want to move with your mom and share time with her, it's his problem NOT YOURS. Do what makes you comfortable. We are here to take care of ourselves. As adults this is what we need to do. All of us, including your father. He will survive.

[Lily]

Maybe you can try to bargain with your dad. Tell him you love him very much but are angry at him for taking you away from your mother. Tell him you'd like to meet her and see her every so often then come back and stay with him. Tell him you won't mention her or anything else when you do visit him. Tell him you still love your mom very much and want to be with her just as much as you love him. I do think you should see your mom, I would hate not being able to see mine. You should see your dad too because he is human and needs love and affection from his children too. He seems isolated too so it wouldn't be good to burn bridges, he needs you.