What is really going on? Who is she?

[Jennifer]

Okay, so a few days ago, my boyfriend forgot and left his phone at home. His alarm was going off, so I dismissed the alarm. Later, he got a text message from his dad, I didn't open it, it just said "new message from DAD: 'just seeing what you guys are doing thurs'..." and that's all I could see without opening it. I dismissed the notification on the phone and went about my day. Later on, another text message came in from someone named Cat: "so how about those drinks?" was all it said, I didn't even have to open it. I put the phone down and walked away trying to take my mind off it. But it kept coming back to me and I pondered my morals for awhile before finally deciding that this was something worth looking into. I picked up the phone and opened the message thread from Cat. There was only a handful of messages. The first one from Dec 26th: "Merry christmas. Sorry I'm a day late", and then Dec 26th again: "and happy belated birthday". Then Dec 27th: "are you still in the ****** area?" (place we live). He responded to that with "I sure am". Then Dec 28th: "I miss you, can we get together for drinks on Sunday or Monday?" There was no reply from him on the phone. And then the message came in "so how about those drinks?" I don't know what to make of this. I have never heard mention of anyone named Cat. I know his last few ex-girlfriend's names, none of which are Cat, Catherine, Katie, or anything close. I did some research using her phone number, and discovered her first and last name, that she is 30 yrs old, and that she lives in our neighborhood. She is also not on any social media website, at least not using her real name or cell phone number. Okay, on top of the fact that I feel like a snoop, am I supposed to talk to my boyfriend about this? And how would that even go? And I'm not entirely convinced of what the text messages are really about, but I'm not too sure that he's cheating or even considering cheating. He'd have to be the dumbest, sloppiest cheater in existence. I'd like to give him a little more credit than that. Not to mention, our sex life is great and freaky and I am open to whatever he wants. I am always there for him emotionally to just be with, and listen about his day and his family and etc. But, I realize that he came home exceedingly late on Monday night, and upon washing his chef pants, found the usual bar receipt in his pocket, only this time it was for over $20, when usually it is around $7. He gets hooked up by the bartenders there because he is part of the kitchen family that frequents the place, and he always tips at least 50%. Anyway, he never mentioned to me about hanging out at the bar and buying a chick drinks. So, I had questions. When I got home from work the next day (it was his day off), I asked him who gave him a ride home Monday night. He said Patrick, the front end manager at ******** (a restaurant he used to work at). I asked who else was hanging with him that night, anyone else I know and miss? He told me that guys were buying him drinks and he was giving them cigarettes. I said "oh really? Thats cool. How much did you get out of spending then? { a little chuckle }" He said "I spent about 15 or 20 bux (this never includes tip). I owed JD back from the other week, so I bought him some drinks." Interesting fact worth mentioning here is that the bar receipt for that night was for Beam and Diets. JD does not like Jim Beam or Diet Coke. Anyway, I let the convo taper off. Now what do I do? Please hold your judgy comments. I realize that going through his phone was not a good idea and I don't feel positive about it. I never would have done that if that text hadn't alerted me to something.

[902]

If you're that worried, you should flat out ask him about Cat. Tell him what happened, you saw the message on his home screen and it bothers you that he got a message from another woman about meeting for a drink. Like you said, if he's cheating, he's pretty stupid about it, but you can't unsee it now. You weren't snooping, it popped on his home screen like most phones. If he says it's someone who is just a friend, ask to meet her when he goes for the drinks.

[Ammy]

Eh, to be honest I skim over my boyfriends texts every now and then. Though his never show anything interesting.

I think since he didn't text her back or call her, probably no big deal. Once you gave him his phone back did he seem panicky or nervous? A cheater probably would freak out if they misplaced their phone. So really, think you might just be paranoid.

That being said. If you are worried, if you can't get it out of your mind, then you have to ask him. Just say you didn't mean to see it, but you did, and you are curious. But, if you trust him, you can just let it go and forget about it. Your choice.

[sinead]

sounds like cat is the girl your boyfriend is cheating with.

[Lalala]

Its only natural to snoop on a situation when you find it suspicious so I'm not judging you. I think you should straight up ask him about it but don't gt defensive ask him casually tell him you saw the demessage if he gets upset then something is up because he's human too he should understand your curiosity and jealousy, I mean its only natural when your in a relationship.ask for an explanation and make sure you don't excuse a lie because cheating is not good!! Don't ignore it..

[Katsmom37]

#1-He didn't respond to her msgs about going for drinks or hanging out, so that's a good thing and sounds like he is just avoiding her.
#2-You should have just asked him straight out that day "When you left your phone the other day, I saw you got a text from some girl named Cat asking about going out for drinks....what is that all about? Is it someone I should be worried about?"
and finally #3-you could have used the this question period about the bar trip as the perfect opportunity to bring up seeing the text msg from this Cat person BEFORE you started asking the other questions.

I know we women like to treat each situation as an investigation and we feel we need to get all the facts first before we ask him, sort of thing (lol trust me, I've been guilty of it too) but honestly, it is a heck of alot easier on the mind to just straight out ask the guy first and then if his story seems suspicious....THEN do your follow up. lol

Always remember: Trust first, investigate later lol

[Kee]

You need to get the truth out of him and stop implying