Going out to eat after college graduation, and my mom only wants family there... but I also want a few friends?

[Have_Faith]

I'm graduating college in May, and my mom said she's just going to treat me, five family members, and my friend and his mom (who claims me as her daughter), out to eat. I already had my huge party when I graduated high school. That's fine by me, for the most part.

Except the more I think about it, have five other good friends (one who has a boyfriend and child), plus three high school students I've known for years, and had many opprotunities to mentor them. If we're having a little celebration, then I really want these other people to have the chance to join. I told my mom I'd at least like to send them a facebook message, I'd explain that my mom is only paying for family, but if anyone else feels like dropping into eat with us, they can (and I don't think that's rude). But that's an extra ten people, and the thought just seems to stress my mom out.

[de Chicago]

I think you should do a separate celebration for your friends. And keep the family one for family.

[Pearl L]

just tell them if they want to go they need to pay cause you cant pay for everybody

[Towanda]

Since you've already had a big party...and they are expensive...I would think it would be ok to invite friends as long as they understand your Mom isn't footing the bill for everyone. Be sure the waiter understands in the beginning to so the checks will be right and not a big deal. I don't think it is rude if you put it a nice way. If you are going to have friends drop in, be sure to make reservations and have firm yeses so the restaurant can put the right amount of tables together. I think it sounds like fun. Mothers always stress out. . .that's their job.

[Bent Snowman]

While what you want to do seems harmless, it is annoying (at least) from the perspective of your mother who is now seen as only paying for some, but not all. You are showcasing her lack of generosity indirectly, no matter how understandable it is that she only pay for some of the people that you want to be there. You are in some way showing how "cheap" your mother is to your friends, and what is worse you are showing who is special and who is not. I hope you do not feel compelled to contest my use of the quoted word "cheap." You know what I mean, I already said it was understandable to not pay for everybody, what I mean is not paying for everything can be viewed this way by people in some way, it could also be seen as tacky. At the same time, you inviting people to celebrate with you and pay their own way is not really how you do things.

Didn't anybody ever tell you that you can have more than one celebration? Your mother wanted this one, be reasonable and have another one if you want to share the moment with others. The celebration might be about you, but it is not just for you.

I thin Towanda might have thought you had a big party recently but that was about 4 years ago, when you graduated high school, not college.

[Joanne A.]

Have two parties. Your mom pays for one, you pay for the other.

But if you do not have the money. Ask your friends if they would chip in to have a great party.

[Seven]

This is a small family only gathering. It would not be appropriate to ask others to join. You already celebrated with your friends, this is family time and clearly what you Mom wants.

Make a separate date with the other people and leave this one alone.

[marys.momma]

Since every family of every new graduate will be wanting to eat out after the ceremony, it will be hard enough for your mom to arrange reservations for eight people. Maybe that's the only time the people she wants to invite can get together.

Celebrate with your friends another time. You'll enjoy yourselves more, and there's no rule that says you have to commemorate your graduation on that very day.

[Mushu]

Your mom is paying for this party, so ultimately she decides how many are invited.
Telling people they can come but they're not going to get anything IS rude. A guest shouldn't ever be asked to pay for themselves, nor should they be made to feel less welcome than another guest.

If you want to have friends there, offer to pay for them. Or, have a separate party with them, and you pay for their meal.