I'm relapsing after leaving a bad relationship. Please help me.?

[Jacob]

I was once in a very bad relationship. It was all one way, she was a liar, a cheater and a manipulator to the point where a trusted friend called it an emotional abusive relationship. It took me a long time to realise this or admit it, I still don’t know which one even today, and say goodbye to her. I cut her out of my life, burned and deleted photos, deleted number , blocking her from all forms of social media. Everything. And I was happy. It was hard for the first few days but I felt light. I felt as if I didn’t have this thing weighing me down. I was happy. I became more productive, my family life improved, i was less angry and frustrated, my schoolwork improve. My life had turned around. Even when I ran into her at the shops, it was fine. I wasn’t heartbroken or felt anything. I just asked how she was saying then left, needing to be somewhere else. And I loved that. I loved not only getting drawn back but the fact that I was the one walking away leaving her behind. That was three months ago and since then things have changed.
It started off when I dreamt my best mate was having sex with her and I was so angry with him for dragging her back into my life. And I know it was just a dream but since then, she’s all I can think about. I’m feeling heartbroken, I want to see her, I want to be with her. After the dream I ran into her again. And it wasn't like the other times. I wanted to keep talking, and I felt heartbroken when she left. She was the one that ended that conversation just leaving me like she used to feeling sick. I felt sick after that. I’ve regressive, I’m at square one again.

And the one person who I can open to, I’m afraid to tell her this. She has helped me so much in the year that we’ve known each other. She was the one that pushed me to say goodbye, the one that helped me with my family, who gave me a direction that I want to follow in life and I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t want to be that boy again who she sat down with after class and said “you need someone to listen. What’s wrong?”.

And it’s so much worse because I came through the other side. I’ve tasted freedom, I was happy and I’m being dragged back. And I don’t want to be, I’ve been there I don’t want to go back. I’m tired. I’ve been through this, I’ve suffered, I’ve been heartbroken and I don’t want to do this. It just seems that no matter what I do, she's always got control of me. I just want to be happy. I’m just tired. Please help.

[Antst]

Well, you know that this woman is bad news. If she is as bad as you say, then you know that it would be a bad idea to get involved with her again.

It sounds like you are allowing yourself to spend too much time thinking about her because you don't have enough going on in your life. If you were out meeting other people, studying, and doing hobbies, then you would not be thinking about her.

What I'm saying is that you need to get tough on yourself. Start taking responsibility for building up a group of friends to socialize with. Start forcing yourself to do interesting things with your time. Stop thinking about yourself as a victim who needs to be rescued....

Of course it felt good when she "sat down with after class and said 'you need someone to listen. What’s wrong?'" Of course we all need friends to help us and to listen sometimes. But it sounds like your relationship involved too much of you being taken care of. You need to realize that a girlfriend is not a nurse. Relationships where one person acts as a "rescuer" are often dramatic and unhealthy. The rescuer ends up having a lot of power. You feel dependent on this woman, right? That is not healthy.

Before you get into a relationship with anyone else, you need to get yourself to a point where you don't need rescuing. Good luck.

[Basia]

You seem very capable of learning.
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