how could i find my dad when all i know is the first and last parts of his name?

[Brittany LeAnne.]

I never met my dad nor have seen any recent pictures of him . I'm 14 years old and i was just wanting to get in contact with my dad... I would love to meet him , but just getting to talk to him would be good also . My mom was just in her late twentys when she got with me but they split up right after she had me and shes never spoke to him again that i know of ... i've tried to talk to him about her but she has no information that she will tell me . please help me out... I have no clue what to do first and what to expect....

[lizzie gorman]

You are 14 years old, you are becoming an adult, and you have questions about who you are and where you came from. That is totally natural. And you do need some answers, but you need to know that it might take some time.

The practical truth is that you might have to wait until you are 18 and can request a copy of your birth certificate, or hire someone to track down your father. Typically, you aren't able to search for this information until you are 18. In the mean time, you may want to write down all of the information know: your father's name (as much as you know,) the hospital at which you were born, any hints at all about who he was, where he was from, how old he was etc. Keep all this in a safe place for the future. If you can look at your birth certificate, and his name isn't listed on your birth certificate then you may have to hire some people to help you, there are many investigators who do this sort of thing, but it is hard to hire them when you are 14.

However hard it is for you not to know about your dad, it may just as bad (or worse) for your mom who had to raise a child on her own. Now you want to contact your father, and it can be very threatening to her. It can bring up bad memories, and pain, and rejection - things that she had to put aside to care for you.

It sounds like you have tried to talk to her about this before, and as you become older you might be able to have a more adult conversation with her, one that tries to understand the situation from her point of view. Then you might tell her that it is important for you to understand who your father was, telling her that it won't change things between you, and you aren't going to leave, you won't judge her or love her less.

If you need more help, there are many groups out there that offer support and counseling to children who are trying to understand where they come from. There may be people you can ask for some private advice - a school counselor, a church pastor. They may be able to put you in contact with these groups that can give you some support, and let you know that you are not alone. There is other advice that I could give you about how to find our father, but as you are only 14 it might not be safe for you to search out your father by yourself, so you should ask others for help. Don't search for him (and that includes on social media) without someone to help you.

[Maxi]

Nothing you can do, unless you mum is prepared to help you or even knows any more than what she has already said.................