Why is he acting this way? Confused... Help?

[Cindy]

So I got to know this guy... let's call him Bob. I met him about a year ago in college. I noticed him staring at me from the corner of my eye a lot - it started to get creepy, even though it was obvious he is shy and intimidated. So i thought i'd show him i'm just like everyone else and reduce the creepiness, so i approached him and said hi through a common friend. Anyway, from that point on, we hit it off. He added me on social media sites and we starting talking gradually till the point where we talked everyday, all day long. So you could say we became great/best friends. He gave off a lot of mixed signals online - for example he called me perfect (which isn't true but whatever - also, i don't think a guy "friend" would call his female "just-friend" perfect and insist on it whenever she counter-argued), and he found it strange that guys aren't fighting over me (also pretty dumb, no one wants that - i don't see any point in it) - he would ask me lots of situational questions and care about my opinion in relation to certain things. He would hang on every word whenever if brought up how shy he is, or the first impression he gave off when i first knew him - he would keep asking questions and get really interested into what i have to say about him. He also got me gifts for birthday. At the beginning i didn't feel anything more than friendly towards him, but then my feelings grew in time, i started to hangout with him every now and then - just 2 close friends in college, and i realized that despite him not being my type, he's a very good guy that i shouldn't take for granted (learning my lesson from past experience), and that limiting myself to just "my type" is stupid, because all people are special in different ways - doesn't matter what they look like on the outside, what matters is who they are - their heart and personality. And sometimes "your type" shows up, you get to know them, and they screw you over. So limiting your options is useless. He proved he is worth the shot - he opened my eyes and mind to possibilities. I imagined us hooking up in future (i'm in no rush, i totally believe in taking time when it comes to relationshippy matters) Anyways, till now, none of us said anything regarding our feelings for each other. I'm not even sure he likes me, because there are points at which i believe he doesn't think of me as more than a friend, and other times he gives signs that yell "he cares more than the just-friendly care!! No guy friend would say that if he's not interested".

About a month ago, i gave him this cheesy speech (online) about how he's a great person, because he has this blind belief that he's a failure. It's just lame. He has accomplished a lot of things in his life that he doesn't pay attention to or appreciate. It's just ridiculous, and it really frustrates me why he thinks that, so i thought to hell with it and said what i felt (i usually find it very hard to express my feelings about anything to anyone - especially guys. Being vulnerable is very hard for me to face). I didn't say "i like you" or anything like that. but i wrote him a cheesy, heartfelt speech about how he is successful by being who he is, not by what he does or the grades he gets (he's not a straight A student, and he's not an F student either) or how professional he is career-wise. I strongly believe in that - not just with him, but with everybody. After i sent him that speech, things got awkward, he didn't even reply to it and completely changed the subject - and we talked significantly less gradually, and he has cut me off a ever since. Like we small-talked twice after, literally for five minutes online each time and that's it. I haven't been seeing him much in college ever since either.

I'm already working on getting over him from now and turning my heart into stone (i think i'm failing, tho) because i've been hurt in the past, and i don't want to go through the pain anymore, it just really sucks. I'm trying to focus on growing as a person, i'm trying to focus on myself since i normally give my time to other people - it's unusual for me to make myself the priority over others.

Kindly put in mind he's a genuinely nice guy. Like really, really kind. He's the farthest thing from a player. And that he's really shy. He even told me he'd never tell a girl that he likes her because he thinks she'll either reject him and not like him back or that she'd move on and lose interest in case he waits for too long to express his feelings towards her.

Whewww, talk about drama *rolls eyes*

Anyway, thanks and sorry if it's too long!
@Lila I sure hope he does not think that. I've known him for quite a long while, hopefully he'll know i'm not "just saying that"

[Animeleech]

damn, that fool sounds as beta as i do. curse our kind!

the only thing i can think of, is if it was long. he's probably processing it. you may have said things about him that he never saw in himself. so he rolled his eyes at your for lying to him cause he doesn't believe you, or he wants to believe you but now has to convince himself that it's true.

then again, he may have greater aspirations that he's nowhere near to accomplishing and is thinking of the bigger picture. so whatever little "accomplishments" you've told him he's made seems like nothing and he sees his imminent failure. sorta like..."i'll never be better than my dad" or "i can't give my family a better quality of life than i grew up in" assuming he grew up sorta poor.

his major could give you some clues. is it something he really wants to do? or just some crappy quick certificate course to get a crappy "career". some might see that as a failure while other see that as a success. depends on where he came from and his actual aspirations/goals for his life. maybe he has none. is he a freshman? most freshman/sophmores never know what they wanna do for the rest of their life. not knowing gives a sense of failure. they see people who look like they know exactly what their doing, what to do, and how to do it. and he's like..."what am i doing with my life".

/shrug. idk. could be a million things. could be erectile disfunction. i can't read minds. could be nothing to do with you could be everything to do with you. i just took the education approach for some reason cause you mentioned his grades. i felt like focusing on that.

but if he's anything like me, he's dying, literally DYING (not literally) to tell you his feelings for you, but he's just...that...scared of what your answer would be.

maybe your letter reinforced the idea that you're just a friend. sure your letter was "heartfelt". but probably in that sister/friend sorta way. so while you were being nice and trying to help him out, you incidently told him "as a friend, i think you're ok". so he's all like "that's all i wanted to know." and that tiny door to his heart that was just slightly ajar, is now closed shut again. while he thinks to himself "and now i go on alone with my life again".

he's probably too beta to even try again too. he'll be a loner forever now.

funny...i'm having fun with this answer but it feels so wrong making fun of him since i'm also making fun of myself. i am so freaking beta. >.<.

**** it. idk where you live but...wanna make out? nvm. if we meet irl i'll be shy again. /sigh

[The Doctor]

Hmm. yes he had low self esteemia. its a terrible condition caused by people not giving you a lot of support when you&#x27;re young. as for this whole turning your heart to stone thing. you should never give up on love.

in conclusion tell him how you feel. cause lets face it,it can&#x27;t make things any worse at this point am i right?

oh right mask of sarcasm and snarkiness activate.....get back in the kitchen.

[Cherrieazuelos]

how long it been since you told him that ? maybe he is not used to it because of that low esteem stuff. either way, I think you should tell him how you feel, ask him why he acts like that, so that you can know what's on, even if he doesn't say what you wanted to hear, you will feel relieved and you will be able to move on without feeling this heart of stone thing.

[Niloofar]

maybe he has taken your words as a "pitiful pathetic talk "
that you are just saying it in order to make him happy and give him a factitious support , not in a way that you really feel for him .

[Sam]

You&#x27;ve pretty much answered your own question! He&#x27;s a shy guy and may not know what to do in this situation which maybe causing him to act like this. Give him time and maybe discuss your feelings with him at a appropriate time.

[Grace]

Ok what I would do is just don't contact him. You've already put your cards on the table so walk away and let him come to you. If he's sincere, he'll find you. Don't chase him though. I don't care how shy a guy is.

[Brian]

It sounds like you two are both scared of a failed relationship. You need to crawl before you can walk and this includes falling down on occasion. If you turn your heart into stone he&#x27;ll take it as you proved himself unworthy.

Keep seeing him and just enjoy what he has to offer you. In the end if he isn&#x27;t the one you will have fond memories to keep for life that no one can take away from you. Take it at your own pace, be honest with him and yourself. Communicate your feelings with him. I doubt he would ridicule you for your honesty. If he does than his esteem is too low for you to help him with and just stay friends.

Good luck!