I'm Scared My Friend Is Going To Tell Everyone My Secrets?!?

[Loren]

Okay, so you're probably wondering why I would tell someone something I'm scared they're going to spread, so if I tell you this, I'm going to sound extremely two faced and stupid but I need opinions. Please don't post negative comments because I'm genuinely freaking out. I have anxiety so it's worse than it should be so I'm asking for help.

Alright, so I know this girl, let's just call her M. M and I are good friends, she still thinks we are but I'm not sure anymore because we've fought SO MUCH in 2013, and the truth is, I'm sure she lied to me about things that were said just so she wouldn't lose me as a friend. Yes, she cares about being popular because she feels like she barely has any CLOSE friends.

After our last fight, which happened about about 8 weeks ago, I started feeling like I was getting closer to her and I told her REALLY REALLY personal things that I know I shouldn't have now. I should've kept it to myself...But the truth is, I couldn't keep it to myself because this secret was hurting me.

This secret is now completely over but I can't tell anyone about it - but she still knows and I haven't gotten the chance to tell her because she just came back from Bali a few days ago and she hasn't been online any social media sites (as it's Holidays, I can't exactly TELL her.)

I started to realise a few days ago, the day she came back...That all this time she's been using me to seep out personal information, which she did all year in 2013. OR it feels that way. She called me a bi*c* behind my back before and yet I forgave her.

Since our very first fight in September, I've been skeptic of her but somewhat, she always makes me believe I can trust her and if I don't tell her something that she wants to know, I feel guilty.

This is going to sound so odd because you're probably thinking that I'm a horrible person, which I'm fully aware that there's a 50% chance that I might be, but M just causes me pain all the time and I'm tired of it.

But you're probably now wondering why I just don't cut her off or tell her that I just don't want to be friends anymore...Well, I'm scared that she'll tell the whole school and then everyone will look at me like; o_O and I'll also lose a lot of friends and a lot of respect.

I don't know how to deal with pain so I normally just hold it in and then pull away from those who are trying to help.

TO SUM IT ALL UP:

The fights were over stupid things, because we're both hotheaded but they still hurt and I just can't handle the pain anymore so I want to stop being friends but I'm scared that she'll tell everyone my secrets and I'll lose people whom I care about. I know this sounds really two-faced and it probably is but I just can't deal with it anymore you know?

So should I tell her that my secret was just for a period of time?

Or...

Something else?

What should I do?!

Please help me. ._.

Sorry if this was confusing...

[Daniel]

try to find her secret to make you feel better because if you have her secret,she wont dare to tell everyone about your secret

[Natan]

I'd just approach her one day when you know she's on her own, then be very apologetic and make her swear she won't tell a soul about your secret. After that, just slowly drift away from her and she'll forget everything.

[Iwant]

find a higher quality friend. i know you think bad friends and frenemies are more exciting, but that is a deadly habit to start. move on. there are more beautiful, and sophisticated girls who will be great friends to you. stop blowing off those girls who are good for you. (unless u know you're a bad person who only deserves bad friends)