What should I do about my secretive younger sister?

[Jessica]

I am 25 and have a 16 year old sister. She is very secretive about her personal life with friends and boys, etc.

She has been especially secretive on social media sites, blocking myself and our entire family, so I know she is hiding things. Recently, she blocked me on Instagram and claims every time she does this that her account is messed up or has been hacked. I know this to be a lie. No one else is blocked and can see her posts. I looked at her Instagram through a friends account and found some disturbing posts including her with boys in bed and a mysterious cloud of smoke. We were not raised to act this way and none of our family is into drugs or promiscuity, etc. not saying she definitely is, but it looks that way in her photos.

Next, I found a picture of a painting I did for her for Christmas. It was very special and I put a lot of Time, thought and love into it. She followed it with a caption "just finished.. Not the best but I just wanted it to match my room" I made this painting for her specifically to match her room, and she's taking credit for it. All of her friends are posting comments about it being cool and amazing, and she keeps replying "thank you so much!" This is disturbing to me, yet extremely hurtful. I feel betrayed and insulted at the same time.

Now, what I'm asking is advice on how to handle this discovery. She doesn't know I know, and I always refrain from confronting her about things (such as stealing my clothes and posting photos of her wearing them, stealing my mom and other sister's things, having a secret boyfriend, etc.) because she gets embarrassed very easily and I do not want to embarrass her or upset her. I would just drop this but it has gone to a whole new level and I feel she is going to continue down a bad path if no one ever confronts her, because we never do, or calls her out on it. She never has to suffer consequences for her actions.

So, how should I handle this? What should I do?
Thanks for the advice in advance!

[Crazyoldcatlady]

I think you need to bring these things up in private, but don't tell your family quite yet. Just sit her down, tell her that you've noticed she's been acting very secretive, and that you're hurt that she'd take credit for your painting. Ask her why she's trying to hide from everyone and remind her that she can trust you. Don't tell your family, but call her out on these things when it's just the two of you together

[Riley.]

Tricky situation Jessica! i can definitely understand how hurtful all these things are. It can seriously affect your relationship with your sister! You finding out that she posted those pictures isn't betraying her. It is not like you broke in to her account, you obviously did not believe her "hacking" lie and wanted to know what she was hiding.
Confronting her is the right thing to do. The important thing is to keep the parents out of the situation for now. You are her older sister, and she looks up to you surprisingly. She loves the painting and loves your clothes, but seems desperate for some good attention. I can guarantee she would be embarrassed if she found out that you knew what she was posting, and with good reason, she knows she shouldn't be posting it! I think the best way to handle this is to find her at a good mood, and just bring up the situation as "no big deal" as possible. Not that you're mad, but that you know. She may be upset or angry, but she shouldn't be doing many of those things and she'll be angry that you've found her out. This is when you get to the bottom of things, I really think she needs someone to talk to. Tell her you wont tell your parents, but if she wanted to talk about thinks that you are always there to talk. That you "don't have to steal my clothes" if you just ask, and that it hurt your feelings that she would try to take credit for your painting, I'm sure she hadn't thought of how you would feel because she wasn't expecting you to find out!

Good luck!

riley.

[Cameryn]

I'm 18 and I have an older sister who is 30, we were raised by very strict parents, so yes I'm secretive that's why I love my sister, cause we can be honest with each other.
I think teenager girls need some privacy, obviously because your so worried and almost smothering she doesn't want you to see any of her posts.
I can understand being hurt about your painting, but she's lying to a bunch of shallow kids who do nothing but look at their phones all day.
your 25 you should be focusing on your life, not what you sisters doing

[drlu]

Shes 16, which is a good sign that shes possibly experiencing teenage insecurities, new found interest in boys, a lot of cahnges going on in her hormones/mind. She is still mentally very young, but is has probably moved into the independant thinking stage of her life where she wants to make her own decisions, but these could he misguided due to lack of knowledge.

The fact that she posted a picture of your art work and claimled it as her own is not the main issue at all. no the fact that she did this shows us that she is possibly trying to establish a sense of belonging and identity in her life. Which could indicate that she doesn't understand her own value as a person.

Advice:
1. Take her out for a coffee, and just be calm and relaxed - and just ask her how her school life, social life is going? Ask her her if everything is okay? Talk about potential changes that she may be going through.
2. Now if I were you I wouldn't be judgemental, hostile, or confrontational.

[hamid]

Find a time that she have nothing to do and in a good mood.You need to confront her as a best friend before a big sister, let here know that you are the only one that knows about it and you won't tell anyone of the family members. talk to here friendly and gentle try to make her open to you.
She will be mad at you for searching into her stuff just tell here that she was blocking you everywhere and you were worried about her, the most important thing your need to do here is try know if she is doing any kind of drugs, you know that all or most of teens are seeking for attention no matter what , share your experience with her and give her advices and examples , then give her some time if she didn't not change or not even trying to, then you need to tell your parents so they can deal with her and help her before it's too late

Have a wonderful day (｡◕‿◕｡)