Please fix my essay! 5 stars for you?

[Huy]

Advertising influences people to buy things such as clothes and shoes. What are the problems caused by that? What solutions can be given?
=======================================…
Today, advertising affects consumers to buy various kinds of non-essential products. This essay shall discuss numerous drawbacks caused by this issue and suggest some ways to solve these problems.

To begin with, if people purchase too many goods such as clothes and shoes due to the effects of advertising, it will become disadvantageous. Firstly, it is uneconomic, both in terms of finances and time, to buy not really vital things. Secondly, advertising is one factor that makes a person be a follower of shopping, which could also be another type of being addicted. For example, although a girl does not have a high salary, she buys plenty of goods anytime she goes shopping. Thirdly and seriously, personality could be negatively impacted by bad consuming behaviors. Take an instance, if a child is always satisfied when he asks his parents to buy toys after watching advertisements, he may become a selfish boy who is ready to squander money.

Fortunately, there are solutions for this issue. The governments should complete and tighten law to restrict the unuseful, totally commercial advertisements, for instance on their contents and frequency of appearance on difference kinds of media. Companies which specialize in promoting products for other firms through advertising may require a higher fees for certain fields. Parents should only satisfy their children’s reasonable demands on things which are necessary, not everything they see from commercial programs. On the other hand, purchasers, especially the young, need to learn how to consume in a smart and economic way.

To conclude, besides the merits, advertising also negatively influences consumers and leads to social waste. Advanced measures must be implemented to prevent this situation.
(275 words)

[RIcky]

Today, advertising affects consumers to buy various kinds of non-essential products. This essay shall discuss numerous drawbacks caused by this issue and suggest some ways to resolve these problems.

To begin with, if people purchase too many goods such as clothes, footwear, and accessories due to the effects of advertising, it will become disadvantageous. Firstly, it is unviable and uneconomic, both in terms of finances and time, to buy not really vital things. Secondly, advertising is one factor that makes a person be a follower of shopping, which could also be another form of addiction. For example, although a girl does not have a high salary, she buys plenty of goods anytime she goes shopping. Thirdly and most seriously, personality could be negatively impacted by bad consuming behaviors. Take an instance, if a child is always satisfied when he asks his parents to buy toys after watching advertisements, he may become a selfish boy who is ready to squander money.

Fortunately, there are solutions for this issue. The governments should complete and tighten law to restrict the nonuseful, totally commercial advertisements, for instance on their contents and frequency of appearance on difference kinds of media. Companies which specialize in promoting products for other firms through advertising may require a higher fees for certain fields. Parents should only satisfy their children’s reasonable demands on things which are necessary, not everything they see from commercial programs. On the other hand, purchasers, especially the young, need to learn how to consume in a smart and economic way.

To conclude, besides the merits, advertising also negatively influences consumers and leads to social waste. Advanced measures must be implemented to prevent this situation.